I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately. I’m still trying to reach my goal of 225 books for 2014 (I’m currently at 144 books) so I have about 3 and a half more months to go to read about 80 books.
One of the book bloggers that I follow (S. Krishna’s Books) tweeted this the other day:
I thought that was interesting because for me the majority of books I read are written by white women. In fact out of those 144 books, only 8 were NOT written by white women. 6 of those authors were white men and the other 2 were POC authors (Asian women to be exact). That’s a rather dismal statistic. In 2013, I read 217 books. Again only 8 of those authors were NOT written by white female authors (2 male, 6 POC).
The reason why my books are geared towards this way? The majority of what I read is Christian fiction.
And that’s is incredibly sad.
I’ve been reading Christian fiction for most of my life since I was 8 years old. I’ve watched the market change throughout the years and there has been a lot of good that’s been done.
However I’ve also accepted the fact that there are some things about Christian fiction that are just not going to change.
The market is targeted at a specific kind of reader (white middle class Middle American woman who is usually a mother). There is nothing wrong with that type of market. That just usually tends to be who the authors are as well. And they write what they know. What is super popular in Christian fiction these days? Amish fiction, historical romances, and contemporary romances. All three of these genres do not really appeal to me, though I will admit sometimes I can find good books among the weeds. I’ve accepted the fact that since I do not fall into the demographics for the market, I will never be completely satisfied with the market itself.
I’m not asking for edgy fiction. I’ll just read books outside the Christian market if I wanted that. I realize that a lot of authors don’t want to write about what they don’t know because it can sound not authentic. Ok, I can understand that. You don’t want to come across as sounding fake. It just gets me that so many of these stories feel like the characters just live in a bubble. Barely any POC characters. Maybe a few people will go through some hardships. Barely anyone questions things. To want to further your education or move to a big city for a job is a bad thing. Romances happen after 2 hours of knowing someone and marriages take place after 2 months.
I know it’s hard because you don’t want to offend people. But it just feels like to me that it only happens like that in the Christian world. I don’t see general market authors having such strict guidelines on how or what to write in fear of offending group of readers. No wonder why Amish books are so popular. It’s so….safe.
Why then do I keep reading the books? I ask myself this question all the time. It’s not that I don’t read outside of this market. I also read a lot of general market young adult fiction as well as general market contemporary women’s fiction. I will also pick up a random book out of my normal reads from time to time and find it liking to my taste. Yet I still find myself going back to the Christian fiction for the majority of what I read.
Another book blogger (Relz Reviewz) asked this question on her blog the other day: “Do you prefer a “comfort” read or something “out of the box” in Christian fiction?” She talked about there were some authors who when writing their books, they know what sells and what their audience wants. Therefore their stories have a same formula to them where the story and the characters are so similar that it’s completely interchangeable almost to the point of predictable. They’re comfort reads because you know what to expect. And in Christian fiction there’s A LOT of these.
I’ve accepted the fact that I’m never going to be fully satisfied with the market. It’s never going to cater to exactly how I want but then again just like many things in the Christian world, there are so many personal preferences that cause dissention among everyone. I know that what I CAN do is continue to seek out writers and books that do understand that there are more readers than the targeted demographic and talk about their books (future post!).
Despite the fact that it’s been my birthday week, I’ve been reading a lot more lately. Most of that is because I have library books that are due next week and I cannot renew them anymore. Also, while there will most likely be a blog post about this in the future, I was called out more than once this week for reading Amish YA books. It’s actually not a preferred genre choice despite the fact that I’ve read more than one.
There are four more months left in the year and I have read 131 out of 225 books from my Goodreads reading challenge. I’m 21 books behind schedule. It’s going to a big push.
My blurb: This book came out before the Noah movie so part of me wanted to read it for that reason. The other part was because most of the reviews came from Christian reviewers who were so horribly offended by it. And to be honest, that just makes me want to read it more. I really liked this story. Biblical fiction that is not horribly “Christian fiction slanted” is very awesome. Though my favorite Noah novel of all time still goes to Many Waters by Madeleine L’engle.
My blurb: I’ve been a fan of Mandy Hale after reading her book The Single Woman and following her on Twitter. I got to meet her at a book signing earlier in the year. This book was not what I was expecting but in a good way. I thought it was going to be more of a self help type of book but it’s really more of a memoir. It’s a very personal and hard to read at times but I can relate to so much of it.
My blurb: Despite the fact that this is published by the Christian imprint of Simon and Schuster, this is not a Christian fiction book at all. It’s just a wonderfully written historical fiction. I loved it. It’s exactly what I want when I want to read historical fiction, none of that historical romance. I felt it was extremely well researched, well written narrative, and a section of US history we are aware of but don’t really know too much. There needs to be more books like this.
My blurb: There hasn’t been an Angela Hunt book I haven’t liked and this one can be added to the list. Most of the story takes place on a train. I LOVE stories set trains despite the fact that I’ve only ridden on one twice and that was just to and from Baltimore. It was just a very comforting read AND there a brief mention of Reston, VA which got me super happy. Also. Food.
My blurb: I normally stay away when authors self publish even if I love their work. I’m kind of snobbish in that I will usually only read publishers I know. But I do enjoy Kristin Billerbeck’s books and I read her blog and knew that the whole reason why she self pubbed this one was because none of the Christian publishers would take it due to the subject matter. So again, that was the main reason why I wanted to read this one. It’s a hard read. It shows the weakness and failures of the church and Christians who overabuse their power. MORE BOOKS LIKE THIS.
Landline by Rainbow Rowell (St. Martin’s Press, 2014)
My blurb: I’ve enjoyed all of Rainbow Rowell’s books and again, this one was no exception. I enjoyed it so much I read it in just a few hours. Time travel? Yes please. It’s hard to explain without giving away the plot but it kind of reminded me of that Hallmark Hall of Fame Movie The Love Letter or that Keanu Reeves/Sandra Bullock movie The Lake House. There were a few things I did have faults with (who doesn’t charge their phone or pick up their phone?) but otherwise a very satisfying read.
Have you ever read something and you felt like OMG this is totally speaking to me. That this must have been written for me. And you wonder why on earth you didn’t know about this before? And then you want to tell everyone about it even though you know it won’t have the same impact on them that it did you?
This happened to me the other night when I finally read So Long, Insecurity by Beth Moore. I normally don’t read a lot of Moore’s books. I once did a Bible study of hers but it was quite long and there was a lot of “homework” involved. It had been sitting in my library TBR pile (which seems to be never-ending) but over the weekend something happened that made me feel like God wanted me to finally read the book. And I started and finished it in one day, which is really rare for me with non fiction books. Apparently I really needed it.
While almost the majority of everyone deals with some type of insecurity (there may be a lucky few of you who don’t at all), we all don’t suffer for the same reasons. What may bother you might not bother someone else. And we may not be able to understand someone else’s issues.
Insecurity is a very ugly thing and causes us to act in ways that are not appealing. A lot of times we really try to hide the fact that we feel this way. For me, a good bit of my insecurity is coming from wanting to feel like I’m normal and not standing out, but feeling like I’m failing immensely. Part of this comes from growing up and physically standing out of the crowd when I wanted to blend in but instead got teased for it.
As an adult, I’ve learned and accepted (though you may not believe it) that I’m unique and it’s perfectly fine that I don’t share the same interests or characteristics as everyone else. As I stated last week, I’m happy with the person I’ve become and while I want to make myself a better person FOR myself, I’m cool with what I do.
It sound silly, even to me as I type this, but I struggle with wanting to just be seen as normal. I feel when I tell other people about things I like or something I’m excited about, other people don’t seem to care. I think because I care so (ok, too) much about what other people think I tend to notice facial expressions or pick up little things more than others. I notice when someone darts their eyes away, gets restless, looks bored, sighs, changes the subject, etc.
Or other people, because they aren’t as interested, tend to knock down things I talk about. This may just be their personality but to me it feels like what I am excited about isn’t worth their time. It’s one thing when I tell a random stranger and they don’t care. But when I tell someone who I do care about and their reactions seem to be bored or uninterested, I feel like I should just shut up because what I have to say isn’t interesting to them. Instead of lashing out, I tend to withdraw.
I realize my personality is different from others. I may also act in different ways than other people. If someone doesn’t like something I do, while inwardly I may think but why not?!, outwardly I’m not going to tell them they are stupid for it. If someone likes something that I don’t, while I may say I don’t like it I won’t tell them it’s stupid. I’m so worried about feeling stupid in front of other people who I would never want to make someone else feel that way because I know how horrible that feeling can be. I feel empathy towards people. I also may overly project how I feel on others.
Anyways all this can lead to some of the feelings I have about being insecure. So when I picked up the book and started reading it, it was like reading a book directly written for me. It’s good to know then that I’m not alone.
I tried not to quote the entire book but these were some of the passages that REALLY stood out to me.
Men are not our problems, it’s what we are trying to get from them that messes us up. Nothing is more baffling that our attempt to derive our womanhood from our men. We use guys like mirrors to see if we’re valuable. Beautiful. Desirable. Worthy of notice. Viable. We try to read their expressions and moods in order to determine whether it’s time act smart and hard to get or play dumb and needy. (page 7)
Are we honestly going to insist on drawing our security from people – men or women – who are oblivious to the inordinate amount of weight we give to our estimation of us? (page 9)
Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt, a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world. Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships. The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate. (page 17)
The insecure person also harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships. These expectations, for themselves and for others, are often unconscious. The insecure person creates a situation in which being disappointed and hurt in relationships is almost inevitable. Ironically, although insecure people are easily and frequently hurt, they are usually unaware of how they are unwitting accomplices in creating their own misery. (page 23)
We can be so blessed in certain relationships that our unrealistic expectations often seem met and, therefore, reasonable. We can get away with thinking we’re secure people because, for a time, we have the important things just like we want them. But then change happens, and suddenly we are thrown for a severe emotional loop. We realize we weren’t secure. We were spoiled. One way we can detect insecurity is by our knee-jerk reaction to any level of change in a relationship, particularly if we perceive that the focus has shifted away from us. (page 25)
Overwhelmingly, the men used one word to describe what they do when they feel insecure: withdraw. If they don’t overtly withdraw, they will probably behave in a way, whether consciously or unconsciously, that will make their love ones withdraw. One way or the other, a man who feels insecure will often force space. If quietness doesn’t work, excessive irritation, agitation, or anger will usually do the job……Generally speaking men withdraw when they feel insecure and women cling. Men give off the don’t mess with me vibe. Women give off the please mess with me vibe. (page 194-195)
Women who struggle with insecurity are particularly taken with two divine attributes: omnipotence and omniscience. (page 208) People who are chronically insecure often have an overwhelming tendency to become control freaks. We feel most secure when our environment is in control and since no one is able to control it to our satisfaction, we decide we have to do it ourselves. If someone would do it and do it right, we wouldn’t have to take over, so it’s not really our fault, we reason. It’s our responsibility. (page 209)
People do what they want to do. You can’t make them do something else. You can’t force them. You can’t change them. You can’t deliver them. Only God can…..When we try to do God’s job, we get in God’s way. (page 214)
We can’t control what we don’t know and we can’t secure what we can’t see. (page 214)
There is knowing. And there is knowing too much. (page 218)
When God initiates, He equips us to handle. Even though unsolicited information might have caused pain and great conflict, if God initiated the revelation, He had a goal in mind that was steeped in great love. Even if He used a messenger you didn’t like, HE worked through His sovereignty to open your eyes to something vital…..When we scratch and claw to dig information out of the dirt, we don’t get the same kind of grace that accompanies divine revelation. (page 219)
We pry because we are insecure and then we are more insecure because we pried. God is the only one who can know a person’s every thought, every motive, every temptation, and every flaw yet still feel good about himself. If we want to become secure women of God, we must cease asking questions we can’t handle the answer to. (page 220-221)
The goal in our female relationships should be to encourage one another’s security. Not enable one another’s insecurity. (page 289)
Any time insecurity hits you can be sure that you are afraid of something…..When we set certain conditions for trust, we offer the enemy of our souls the perfect playground for toying with our minds No, he can’t read our thoughts but he can certainly study our behaviors. Once he pinpoints our emotional Achilles’ heel, he draws back the bow and aims the poisonous dart straight at it. He figures out what we’re most afraid of, and then he taunts us unmercifully with expert marksmanship. (page 324)
So if you’re still reading down to here:
To sum it up, I really got a lot out of this book. The situation this weekend was one where my insecurities were coming at me full force. I’m the type of person that instead of lashing out towards other people when this happens, I beat up on myself even more. The whole section about “wanting to know more because you fear” really spoke to me because that’s exactly what was happening. Had I not read this book right after that happened, I would be a mess right now because I’d be dwelling on the limited information I have and would want to keep trying to find out more. But by doing so it would hurt me and I’d just keep repeating the cycle. Instead, I feel like God gave me tools to learn how to combat it and move toward a more positive way to deal with these.
I’m not perfect nor will I ever be. I know that I have many things to work out and insecurities like these are some of them. But I know that with God, he’ll help me through it all.
The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace. (Psalm 29:11)
It’s the 4th of July today and most people who read this blog probably won’t today due to cookouts, beach trips, fireworks, other things instead of being on the computer all day. But for those of you who DO happen to be reading this, it’s time for another edition of what books I’ve been reading lately.
Quick reading update: the year is halfway over and I’ve read 93 out of my goal of 225 books for the year. According to Goodreads I am 20 books behind schedule.
My blurb: Food! Movie making! Young adult fiction! This book has it all. This is a great summer read. One to bring at the beach from some light (but not fluff) reading.
My blurb: This book was a chunkster, 480 pages in the regular version, and I had borrowed the large print from the library which was a whopping 750 pages. But worth every one of them. I realized later that I hadn’t read the first book in the series but it was ok as this one stood alone. I really enjoyed how the main character is 29 (old for the time period) and single and has accepted the fact that she is not what is normally desired. Because of that her focus is not on romance, even though it does eventually happen. There’s also a good deal of food in this book as well.
Where Courage Calls by Janette Oke and Laurel Oke Logan (Bethany House, 2014)
My blurb: Janette Oke has always been comfort reading for me and I was thrilled that they’re returning to one of my favorite series with this book. Apparently there’s a TV show based on this, though I won’t be watching. What I did like was back to the basics and returning to the roots of the series, set in the Canadian west. The characters were very believable and likable and the ending wasn’t what I expected. I’m also a sucker for pioneer west books.
My blurb: I’ve yet to meet a Sarah Jio book I didn’t like. This one features her signature style and adds in one of my favorite things ever: a book about the love of books. If you like Goodnight Moon, this story gives a “what if” story about the author.
My blurb: I think this is probably the best book I’ve read this year so far. If you liked The Joy Luck Club or any of Lisa See’s books then you’ll enjoy this one. It’s set in China but it’s a different type of Chinese story set in the 1920s-30s. The main character is educated which is different from most stories set during the time period. She’s also dead from the beginning. I’m not doing justice here describing it. Basically if you’re looking for a unique read about POC characters, this one is a winner.
My blurb: Yes, yes. I watched the movie before reading the book. And because of that, since I knew what happened I didn’t cry while reading like most people did. However, I really enjoyed seeing Hazel and Augustus’s story fleshed out and see what was different from what was in the movie. Also, this was my first John Green book ever. Yes, yes. I’m late to the game. Also I read this as an ebook on my computer because I didn’t want to wait forever for a hard copy version from the library.
I’ve been on a major reading kick lately. I know some of you still think that I read nonstop all the time like I used to but nope, that’s not true at all. I’ll do that thing where I read voraciously for a week and then I don’t want to read anything for two. I’m still trying to make my goal of 225 books for 2014 but I’ve only read 66 so I’m starting to think I might not make it.
I fully realize that reading is not about numbers or merely trying to get your TBR stack down. I’m reading books I actually do want to read. So right now that means a lot of Christian fiction, young adult fiction, and contemporary women’s fiction. I never feel the need anymore to defend what I read. I used to. Especially when I was book blogging because sometimes I felt like I wasn’t reading more heavy stuff like other bloggers. But I’ve since learned that it’s perfectly fine to read whatever I want to read. I’m still learning from my books and I don’t feel the need to try to impress anyone anymore. Not everyone will have my tastes and you know what? That’s perfectly ok. You can throw me all the dubious looks you want.
Speaking of young adult fiction, I saw The Fault In Our Stars last night at an advanced showing. I haven’t read the book but I sorta knew what was going to happen. I know shocking right? Normally, I never see a movie without reading the book first but I’ve actually never even read a single John Green book before either. *ducks from all the flying tomatoes*
I’m not going to spoil anything for those who haven’t read the book or still want to see the movie but I sobbed like a baby. If you’ve seen the trailer or even just the poster, I mean it’s story about teenagers in love and there’s cancer involved. I want to go back and read the book now because I thought the movie was really well done. It felt authentic and not trying to force feelings on you. Throughout the theater you kept hearing the sniffles. I do enjoy a good movie cry and this one was a good stupid cry. That is once I got over the fact that it wasn’t Tris and Caleb being incestuous with each other. Also, Shailene Woodley’s hair is incredible; when my hair was that short, it NEVER looked that good.
If you’ve read down this far, then congrats and you’re about to be rewarded with…. a book giveaway!
Do you like beach-y fiction? Do you like contemporary women’s fiction? Do you need a vacation read?
Thanks to the author, I’m able to giveaway an ARC (advanced reader’s copy) of The House on Mermaid Point by Wendy Wax. (Berkely Trade, July 2014)
Book synopsis: In this new novel from the author of Ten Beach Road and Ocean Beach, three unlikely friends who were thrown together by disaster get a do-over on life, love, and happiness . . .
Maddie, Avery, and Nikki first got to know one another—perhaps all too well—while desperately restoring a beachfront mansion to its former grandeur. Now they’re putting that experience to professional use. But their latest project has presented some challenges they couldn’t have dreamed up in their wildest fantasies—although the house does belong to a man who actually was Maddie’s wildest fantasy once . . .
Rock-and-roll legend “William the Wild” Hightower may be past his prime, estranged from his family, and creatively blocked, but he’s still worshiped by fans—which is why he guards his privacy on his own island in the Florida Keys. He’s not thrilled about letting this crew turn his piece of paradise into a bed-and-breakfast for a reality show . . . though he is intrigued by Maddie. Hard as that is for her to believe as a newly single woman who can barely manage a dog paddle in the dating pool.
But whether it’s an unexpected flirtation with a bona fide rock star, a strained mother-daughter relationship, or a sudden tragedy, these women are in it together. The only thing that might drive them apart is being trapped on a houseboat with one bathroom . . .
I’ve read all of Wendy’s books before and each one I’ve really enjoyed. They are perfect summertime reads!
To enter, fill out this form below and I’ll choose and email the winner next Friday. Good luck!
Since I read a lot and everyone knows this, I’m always asked what books have you read recently that you enjoyed? I seem to have trouble describing plots to people in person (they always come off sounding really weird) so I’m not sure how much justice I do to the awesome books I have read.
I’ve read 50 books so far in 2014. This may sound like a lot to most of you but for me it’s well behind my past reading streaks and I’m actually about 25 books behind my goal of 225 books for 2014. But irregardless of that, I’m being more choosy about what I read so lately I’ve been liking a lot of what I’m reading.
Here are just some of the books I’ve enjoyed discovering this year.
My Blurb: It’s a book about a boy and a girl who are best friends. And realize they are attracted to each other. And all the ups and downs that come with falling in love with your best friend. It was like reading about my life.
My blurb: This book totally gave me a hipster feel as I was reading it. Also it’s from a Christian publisher and used the word “badass”. I applaud this.
My blurb: Susan Meissner is one of my favorite authors of all time so I knew I was going to love this book. It alternates between Ellis Island in 1911, NYC during 9/11, and then NYC 2011. Very rich and beautiful.
Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell (St. Martin’s Press, 2013)
My blurb: If you haven’t read any of Rainbow Rowell’s other books before, GET ON IT. This one is a fav for many reasons including a whole entire fantasy world created just for this book (which needs to become a book series in itself).
Anything by Sarah Dessen
My blurb: I got a Sarah Dessen kick late last year. I had never read any of her books before but I always saw them on blogs, libraries, and bookstores. So I finally gave in and read one. And loved it. And proceeded to read all but the newest one in the span of 4 months. I’m delaying reading The Moon and Back because once I finish that, I’ll have no more to read from her. Can anyone recommend other authors that are like Dessen? Contemporary YA?
And now to throw the question back at you: What good books have YOU been reading lately?
I love to cook. I enjoy feeding others. While I’m not a total foodie, I do enjoy trying out new foods. Confession: when I’m eating at home, I like to watch the Food Network or food shows on the Travel Channel because it makes my food taste better. And sometimes there can nothing quite as pleasant or satisfying as enjoying a novel that has tons of food in it.
Why are books about fiction satisfying? Because I get to learn about new foods. I get to read about how food is prepared and enjoyed. It’s just enjoyable reading about cooking and eating in a novel format vs reading a cookbook (which while sometimes can be satisfying as well provided there is narrative in it). The story doesn’t HAVE to be 100% about food. But it can talk about the food in the characters’ lives and how they revolve around it. The key to a good foodie fiction is an excellent story with the added benefits of the love of food thrown in.
You can totally tell when an author is just putting food in the story just because they have to and when they really enjoy it themselves. Characters don’t eat just because it’s a necessity, they enjoy and savor their food.
Here are some recommendations of foodie fiction (all with glorious recipes so you can enjoy what you have just read) that I have enjoyed over the past year:
My blurb: Online dating adventures plus Italian/French food plus family secrets with a surprise dash of Doctor Who references = I WANT TO EAT THIS BOOK
The question in today’s blog title can bring fear to who is being asked that. So as you know (or maybe you didn’t?) I used to be a book blogger. If you don’t know what this, I read books and blogged about them. I read my own books, books I got from the library, and books that were sent to me from publishers, authors, publicists, etc. That mean I received A LOT of books. That also meant that I READ a lot of books.
I’ve always been a voracious reader ever since I was a little kid, thanks to my mom teaching me how to read when I was 3. I’ve always had a love for reading even when it was uncool. Books have always been a good friend to me. So when we did the summer reading programs at our libraries, my sisters and I were always reading insane numbers of books just because we liked doing it, not for prizes or bragging rights.
During the book blogger years, I read a lot. Part of it was pressure due to being a book blogger, part of it was to escape real life circumstances, part of it was due to having a job where I sat by myself in a warehouse alone for hours during the day waiting on things. So adding up all those factors and there were several years where I read over 400-500 books a year.
I bring this up because last week Book Riot released the results of a survey about reading habits and poo hit the fan because of what was revealed: that someone had read 1500 books last year. People couldn’t believe it. Were they reading kids books? Were they lying about this? Because NO ONE can read more than 300 books a year. People were complaining that whoever did this made them feel bad about their own reading habits. Comments were going on for a while both on the post and on the Facebook post as well.
And it made me realize, this is WHY I really don’t like talking about how many books I read anymore. Because people always accused me of lying. People always assumed I read kids books. Just because THEY couldn’t read that many meant I was lying. I made THEM feel bad about how much they didn’t read. It goes on and on.
I don’t know if that person who said they read that many books was lying, truthful, or what they read. But kudos for them. I mean since it was an anonymous survey we have no idea who it was and I’m not quite sure how on earth we can even really prove it. You shouldn’t feel bad because someone else reads more than you. It’s never been a contest, some people can just read fast, and it doesn’t matter what someone else reads. So what if they read 1500 kids books and you read 2 books and one of them was War and Peace? Are you a better person than they are? Or what IF they did read 1500 books that were 500 pages each and all non fiction historical and scientific research books? Are they a better person than you?
Even now, and even though I read wayyyyy less than what I used to, it’s only with other hard core readers I really like discussing books with. I’ve learned that books are very subjective to people and even though I’d love to share with real life friends about what I’ve read, sometimes I just can’t. I don’t want to feel guilty about what I read, nor do I want to make others feel guilty. It’s not that I’m keeping things secret, it’s just sometimes you can’t share everything even with your closest friends. That’s why social media was invented. So I can go on Twitter and find those who understand.
It’s been a while since I’ve reviewed a book so I felt a little rusty doing this. It’s been great to be able to read for the fun of it and not have to worry about deadlines and being able to blog about what and when I want. However, when I received the opportunity to read and review this book came at such a “wonderful time” in my life. Don’t get me wrong. The book was great. The timing was less than stellar because I had hoped that I really wouldn’t have needed to read it but God makes everything happen for a reason so (reluctantly) here we are.
Ever since I became single again, I really want to do things right this time around. I’ve been reading a lot of dating, relationship, and marriage books mainly from a Christian perspective to help me prepare for whatever is coming my way. As you know my faith is important to me and while I don’t agree with everything from these viewpoints, a lot of what is said I do take into consideration. True Love Dates by Debra K. Fileta did a really good job about answering a lot of questions that I’ve had about this whole process.
Like I said I’m getting somewhat frustrated with how my relationship life is going and I sometimes do question God on what his intentions are for all this. It’s really hard when you’re 30 and almost all of your friends are dating, engaged, married, or having babies and you’re pretty much the only single in the group (as evident last night by the Superbowl party I went to where I was the only single person plus there were TWO babies!). And then even when you try to make an effort to have relationships work and they still don’t. And you’re left basically feeling like a fool because you’re not sure if you were the one that did something wrong or the other person did and there are so many answered questions that you just want call it quits and give up on ever having your dream of being married happen. Then you have everyone telling you all those clichéd advice they always give to singles about “You’ll find someone when you stop looking” or “Marriage won’t solve everything” and you want to be like “JUST SHUT UP! You’re not helping!”
Thankfully, this book is not like that. There’s a lot of really good insight and advice to be found throughout these pages. I really appreciated how Fileta doesn’t go the route that a lot of Christian dating/advice for singles books go to. Yes she does emphasize on how having a relationship with God is important but she also talks about practical advice that just reading the Bible won’t answer. There’s a lot of learning to make sure to take care of yourself first, but not so much that you feel like you have to be make sure you’re all together before putting yourself out there. Other Christian books for singles seems to think that the reader is in their very early 20s or well past the normal dating age. I also didn’t feel like the book targeted either those who have dated a lot or never dated at all, which is another tactic I feel other books tend to stereotype. I think BOTH groups will benefit and feel like the author is talking to them.
The questions and answers part at the end was probably my most favorite part of the book as a lot of those were questions I have personally asked myself (Does God want me to be single forever? Is it ok for the woman to make the first move? What to do when you get friendzoned?). And even her answers weren’t your typical Christian POV and she admits that too. It’s completely refreshing because it didn’t make me feel like I was just rereading the same thing over again.
While there were some things I didn’t necessarily agree with (one of the bits of advice for setting boundaries for sex was for females not to shave their legs) and some of the passages felt really wordy and I felt my attention starting to drift. However overall, I really enjoyed reading this book. I’m personally trying to be as prepared as I can be and this book has helped. While I know that no book is ever going to make me be fully prepared, if the knowledge is out there, I want to learn from it as best I can. And I believe that anyone can gain insight from this book.
Fileta also has some great stuff from her website where she posts articles frequently about many things that go through the minds of singles (and couples) as they tackle this “fun adventure. Examples:
2013, despite everything else that was going on in my life, was a very geeky year for me. While I didn’t get to go to any cons this year (mainly due to not having a job), I still got to experience a ton of geeky things that I thoroughly enjoyed.
One of my New Year’s Resolutions was to read 200 books in 2013. Now to most of you, that sounds like A LOT of books. But if you used to read my old blog, then you’d think 200 is a small number for me. I mean, I used to crank out 400-500 books a year, and one year I read 624 books. Then life got in the way, and my reading decreased dramatically. I think in 2012 I read maybe 50 books? So I knew for 2013, that I wanted to get back to reading and I set a goal. There were A LOT of times throughout the year that I thought I wasn’t going to make it. But I also realized that without the pressure of book blogging and review deadlines, reading became pleasurable again. And it was just nice to read stories and information for fun. My final numbers for 2013 were 217 books. I will admit that I reread the entire Harry Potter series and the Alice McKinley series but you know a book is a book. My goal for 2014 is 225 books .We’ll see what happens. Oh and don’t ask me what my favorite book was. Unless you have more than a few minutes.
I found new favorite TV shows this year. And I’m sure by now you’re tired of hearing me talk about them. But I’m going to. AGAIN. That’s right. 2013 was the year of Deborah discovers Doctor Who and Breaking Bad. I binged watch BB like WHOA. So good. When I finally caught up with the live episodes, it was torture seeing them and not knowing what was going to happen. There were many times I screamed at the TV.
And now everyone knows that I’m a Whovian. Yes, I started watching Doctor Who because it seemed like the thing to do only to find myself slightly obsessed. So. Many. Feels. I really love this show. It’s so British and geeky and meta. And so many other things. I binged watched throughout the year so that I could catch up in time to watch the 50th Anniversary special with everyone else. That’s A LOT of episodes mind you. And along the way, I also learned a lot of about the history of the show and the impact it’s had on pop and geek culture. It got to the point that I became a bigger fan than all my other friends who had tried to get me into the show previously. I will say though, I wasn’t a big fan of the Christmas episode. The 50th anniversary special was SO awesome. The Christmas one bored me. But that’s ok. We’ll just see what next year brings when we get to see what Peter Capaldi will bring to the table. Also my friends and family have realized that I love the show so much that I received quite a number of Doctor Who Items for Christmas including TARDIS knee socks, TARDIS fleece blanket, and a TARDIS journal. When I find a new geek fandom, I tend to become quite easy to shop for during holidays and birthdays.
If you know me very well then you know I love movies and seeing them in the theater is quite awesome. In 2012, one of my best friends and I were always going to see movies. It became our thing Plus I did this thing where I saw The Avengers six times in the theater *cough*. In 2013, we still did that, but not as much. However I did get to see some awesome movies this year. Everything from sequels such as The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, Catching Fire, Loki 2 (I mean Thor 2) and Star Trek 2 to extremely funny comedies like The World’s End and This is the End to just awesomesauce like Gravity and Frozen. 2013 wasn’t the best year for movies IMHO but it was still a pretty good year. I have a feeling my movie going will cut back a little but I’m still looking forward to seeing my upcoming favorites on the big screen.
Tabletop gaming became a THING as game nights became popular among my group of friends. I will just say that expansion packs are like the gifts that just keep giving.
And finally, the geekiest thing I probably did all year was become all Nick Fury like and assemble an Avengers worthy team to participate in a geek trivia contest sponsored by ThinkGeek. I rounded up seven of my best geekiest friends and we became “The Darkest Timeline” and our evil selves took over (kudos if you know the reference). We trained in advance and realized that between the eight of us, our skills and knowledge were vast in all forms of geekness.
When we got there, we donned our beards and soon became immersed in a very intense and fast paced contest testing our geeky limits. We actually did quite well answering the most obscure of questions of geek trivia. There was even a bacon eating contest where contestants from each team had to eat what was a pound of bacon when uncooked the fastest. And this guy, became our hero, when he won. It was our team’s shining moment as we got a huge amount of bonus points for that round. When the final round came up, we were in second place. It was a Final Jeopardy question. The topic was literature. I got sent up because I read the most, though I argued this fact that as this was a geek trivia night, sci fi/fantasy would be more prevalent and we should send up Bacon Master instead. No one listened to me and so I was sent up on stage and risked away all our points. The question ended up being “What two authors wrote Good Omens?” Heck if I know??? And I see Bacon Master slump his head as he DID know the answer. I randomly picked two authors in the genre, Terry Brooks and RA Salvatore while every other person on stage knew it was Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. I still get teased about it to this day.
But it was ok. Because we still had a blast. And it was the geekiest thing any of us had ever done and everyone loved us and our beards. And we even returned months later for our revenge though sadly the same thing happened again when we lost it in the final round again. But still, it’s one of my most favorite times of 2013 as several of my closest friends and I were able to be our true selves for a few hours and have a blast doing it. We were loved so much that ThinkGeek made us their cover image for the next event.
The Darkest Timeline posting with Steve and Timmy the ThinkGeek Monkey of Think Geek. We made Timmy a tiny beard during the next trivia night as well as one for OUR mascot, Tommy (Timmy’s Evil Twin)
And yes, in this group, I’m the only girl who is a geek.
So that’s just some highlights of my geeky year of 2013. Oh! I didn’t even mention I got to see and meet Chris Hardwick aka Nerdist or host of Talking Dead, in person! I would say it was a pretty nerdy year. I hope that this year continues to be so. At the very least I’ll make it as geeky as I want it to be. Maybe I’ll finally get to learn how to REALLY be Katniss this year! (Subtlety should be on my New Years Resolution list…but it’s not. Not this year.)
A Girl Who Is a Geek 