Tag Archives: Growing up

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Music of the Heart

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I was listening to the radio the other day and a “beatccr” came on – when a Beatles song is followed by a Creedence Clearwater Revival song. Actually it was doubly exciting because it was a Two for Tuesday and therefore two Beatles songs were followed by two CCR songs. As I was enjoying my two favorite classic rock bands, it got me thinking.

A lot of my music tastes have been influenced by boys that I liked. Whether it was because they got me interested in a band or type of music because they liked them or because of what happened between us caused me to discover the music on my own, the majority of the music I listen to can be traced back to a guy.

Now I preface this all to say that when I listen to these songs or bands, I don’t think about these guys and spend all that time reminiscing. Far from it. I’m also not one of those girls who only becomes interested in things just because the guy she likes does and fakes being a fan. If I had never heard of these bands beforehand, then I did my research to find out more stuff about them afterwards.

I just want to give credit where credit is due.

I was already a big Beatles fan (who I discovered on MY own, for MYself) when the guy I crushed on throughout high school introduced me to CCR. It didn’t take long for me to fall hard for the roots/swamp rock band and my relationship with them outlasted my high school crush.

I liked a couple of guys who were in a band together. They liked a bunch of pop punk bands a lot. I ended up LOVING New Found Glory a lot.

Alkaline Trio was the absolute favorite band of the main guy I liked during college. Yeah that was a thing.

I discovered Saves the Day by way of a guy I met in an online group for another band that I actually had listened to (and I actually I don’t think I still have to this day).

This song was a random stumble upon song find for the guy. I ended up liking it for the music as well as the lyrics which I find to be true about how I view my faith sometimes.

After that brief trip down musical memory lane, I have to say that even though the relationships with the guys didn’t work out, I’m glad that the musical ones did. These are all fantastic songs and while I’m forever grateful to those that introduced me to the awesomeness, I’m also glad that time has healed the wounds and I can enjoy them in peace.

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I tip my glass to you

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beer2

So this time last year, I talked about how I had started drinking more craft beers.

When I wrote that last post, I had only begun keeping track of what I was drinking on Untappd. Even though I had drank several beers before that, I only had started tracking and therefore only had 5 beers listed.

A year later? I’ve tried 260 unique beers.

Before I go into more detail let me add a few disclaimers/clarifications.

  1. I am a Christian and am strong in my faith. But I do not believe drinking to be a sin unless you are constantly abusing it. You can completely disagree with me but that is my personal stance.
  2. While I may have tried a large number of beers that does not necessarily mean I am drinking full pints every single time. A large amount of these are samples, tasters, or flights…which ties into….
  3. Even though it is a large number, many of these have come from sampling with friends or at tastings where the price is FREE to try many varieties of beers from different breweries.
  4. One does not want a beer belly so I work out and run to stay healthy.

That being said…

One year later, I’ve learned A LOT more about beer. This time last year I had 5 beers on my Untappd profile including TWO Blue Moons. Last year, I would have told you I liked Blue Moon and beers that taste like that. Now I can’t even drink a Blue Moon anymore just for the taste of it. I don’t mind trying out their seasonals but why drink the regular stuff when there’s so many other delicious beers to try out?

It’s funny that growing up I thought that if you drank any amount of beer, you’d instantly get drunk. But I’ve learned that it’s completely possible to drink and try out several different types of beers and not get wasted. While there are people who will abuse alcohol (just like you can abuse anything), it’s not something I’m looking to do. I don’t get drunk and I know my limits.

My favorite thing to do now is going to Total Wine or Wegmans and create my own 6 pack. That way I can try out different beers and never have to get the same one twice. It can also be a lot cheaper to do this than going out and getting a flight of beers. Of course, some beers may only be available on tap and taste better that way. So it’s really your call. Also, creating a 6 pack for someone is a great present idea. I have given these as Christmas presents and received one as a birthday present. It’s fun for the person picking out the beers and exciting for the one receiving the.

I’ve also been to four beer tasting classes at Total Wine and they were a ton of fun.

beerclass

I went on my own because I couldn’t find anyone else to do it with me and even though I was out of my comfort zone, I had a blast. There’s food and the atmosphere is really fun. I got to try all these different types of beer AND learn more about them. Two were brewery based where we got to try beers specific to that brewery and learn from the brewmaster about the history of the brewery and the process of making the beers. The other two were themed: fall beers (ie pumpkins, Oktoberfests, etc) and then stronger beers (beers over 8% ABV). This is perfect for someone like me who wants to know more about beer without having to commit to buying a whole bottle or pint. I assume this is like a wine tasting but since we all know I don’t drink wine, I’m so glad that this exists as well.

I’ve been doing things like researching breweries around the area (and there A LOT) and taking tours when I can. There’s a lot of local beers I liked to try as well as many just in our state alone. I like going out with my friends and just sampling beers with everyone. It’s a ton of fun for everyone to get their own flight and everyone have a taste of them. flights

And like I said previously, I’m using Untappd A LOT. I will admit that I’ve started to become a badge fanatic. I like using the app because it helps me keep track of what beers I’ve drank and what kinds of beers I like. Also if I’m going to drink, I might as well get something for it, right? So yeah badges are slightly addictive. I like tasting different beers and don’t really like trying the same thing more than once. Even though there are badges for doing that, I still cannot bring myself to get a six pack or continuously order the same beer. (Again feel free to friend me on there!)

I really like drinking different types of beer and I’m totally enjoying learning more about what I like and don’t like. Types of beers I really enjoy now are witbiers, Belgian Blonde/Goldens, saisons, hefeweizens, fruit beers, meads, radlers, hard ciders, and pumpkin beers. This doesn’t mean I like EVERY single beer in these categories but at least now I know what to look for when I go out.

That being said, for whatever reason, I get a lot of flack and teasing whenever I order beers. I mentioned this last week but again maybe it’s just the group of friends I have or maybe I’m just weird in general but every time I get a flight of beers, it happens. My beers tend to be lighter in color, usually on the lower ABV level, and generally more fruity or less bitter. I’m not a heavy hops fan so I tend to stay away from the bitter IPAs and I don’t really like the flavor of most stouts or porters. However, I don’t mind trying them because sometimes I do find surprises and end up discovering beers that I thought I’d hate but ended up enjoying very much.

I never judge anyone else on what they order (though if you refuse to try new things and have only drank the same old domestic beers, I might give you a look) and I never would make fun of someone for what they like or don’t like. And yet…I cannot figure out why people keep doing this to me. I could spend a long time trying to figure this out. Is there something wrong with me because I don’t like specific kinds of beer and like others? Am I doing something wrong?

It’s hilarious because I got called a beer snob because I like (and know) all different types of beer now. Please. I am the furthest thing from a beer snob. I have actively and frequently seen people who judge people’s tastes in beer. I’m not one of those people at all. Again, if you want to drink only Miller Lite, it’s your choice. I’m just sad because you won’t try something new but I am like that about all things in life when you get stuck in your comfort zone.

There are many things I still don’t know yet about beer. I am FAR from being knowledgeable about this topic. There’s so much to learn and to be honest, I don’t have enough time to spend really teaching myself about this subject. But I’m learning as I go and picking up what I can. There’s still SO MANY beers for me to try out that basically it’s never going to end. I know for me, I’m proud of myself for learning something new and seeing my growth in a year.

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Far, far away

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I was talking to some friends the other day and we were discussing locations of places we wanted to go eat. I suggested a place and was immediately shot down because it was too far away from though, even though it was near me. Apparently 20 minutes away is too far. They then suggested someplace that was a lot closer to them because it was more convenient for them. Never mind that it was going to take me 30 minutes to get there.

I’ve discovered this a lot in the DC metro area. Due to traffic, everyone wants to find a job that is either 1) extremely close to them or 2) telecommute. You basically don’t want to leave your bubble because then you end up having an hour plus commute thanks to traffic. If you are one of the lucky few that can find a place near you, you basically never want to go anywhere because you don’t have to and you’re not used to driving places. It’s really interesting how some people have lived in this area for DECADES and have never really traveled into DC or even explored the area around them. Heck I know people who’ve never crossed state lines ever and we’re RIGHT next to Maryland AND West Virginia (and vice versa)!

On the other hand, if you DO have a slightly long commute, while it can get really frustrating being STUCK in traffic, you find that distance isn’t really a big deal. You don’t mind driving places because as long as you’re moving, hey it’s shorter than your commute! It also helps if you like exploring. A lot of neighborhoods and cities in this area have it so that technically you could find everything you want within 5 miles around you.

Not for me. I like to explore. I think it’s because growing up, our family didn’t go to many places for vacation. If we ever traveled it was to visit family for reunions or because someone got married. Even then, not counting two trips to Malaysia, the furthest we ever went was to Michigan and it was strictly for the family get together and not for any sightseeing. Heck, my parents live about 25 miles from the beach and in the 27 years they’ve lived there, they’ve never once been.

I realize that some people don’t like getting out of their comfort zone. Also once you have a family, I know it’s harder to travel even if it’s somewhere just half an hour away. Since I’m just by myself, it’s usually easier for me to come to someone vs forcing them to come out to me. I don’t mind so much though it can get a bit frustrating when I do suggest something and all I hear are complaints.

I chalk this all up to comfort zone and priorities. Right now, I’m in explore mode. And I’ll enjoy making distance seem not so far away as long as I can.

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Wait, there are other timelines?

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If you follow me on Twitter or know me in real life, you know that my favorite TV show right now is Community. (Yes, I’m late to the game. I already know this.)

One of my favorite episodes and what I think fans and critics agree is the best episode of the show is “Remedial Chaos Theory”. In that episode, a die is rolled to determine which member of the group goes to pick up the pizza that was delivered. With each result of the die and depending on who had to leave to get the pizza, a different timeline is created as events become altered.

Eventually there is a prime timeline and “The Darkest Timeline”.

Even with all the fun aspects of this episode (plus the fact that I now have “Roxanne” by The Police stuck in my head, thanks a lot Britta), what I got most out of watching it was how just one simple decision in life can change the course of the future.

While there are many of those stories I have in my life, today I’m going to focus on a decision that I did not initiate but it would eventually map out my life.

When I was a freshman in college, I was ready to take on the world. I was going to be a chemical engineer and make lots of money. Before I left for school, I fell in deep like with a guy from back home. We went to high school together but we didn’t become friends until the summer before I left. Once I got to school, we spent a lot of time talking on AIM and on the phone getting to know each other. And I really liked him. I came home for a weekend to hang out with him and we went to a concert and the movies together and I hoped that something would come of it. However, he eventually made the decision to not further our relationship.

I will admit that I didn’t handle it so well. As an 18 year old college freshman, I was not as mature as I am now in how I reacted. Not towards him but more so in the decisions I made after that. And because of how I handled it, those decisions that I made then affected where I am today.

I don’t blame him at all for what happened. He had every right to make that decision all those years ago and looking back as well as looking to see where we are today, I do believe that for both us it was the right decision. But it interesting that one choice eventually affected so much.

What if the die had rolled a different way? What would that timeline have looked like? It would have been completely different from where I am now. I think of all the people I have met up until today and without sounding cocky, all the lives I’ve impacted. If things had gone different 13 years ago, this would not have been the case. I might have kept continuing studying engineering and created something that would have saved the world. I might have ended up with him or someone else and not had the relationships I ended up having. The world could have ended.

In all seriousness, I know that things happen for a reason. God chooses to close doors and lead you down the path that he wants you to be on. I know I’m where I’m supposed to be right now. All the experiences I’ve gone through, no matter how hard they were and sometimes how much they sucked happened to me for a reason. All the people I’ve met, all the friends I’ve made, all the emotions I’ve dealt with, they’ve happened for a reason. And I’m happy with that. It’s not the path I thought was going to be on but I know it’s the right for me.

I do wonder what happened in all those other timelines.

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To pierce or not to pierce? Or what to pierce?

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If you ever meet me and decide to look to see what jewelry I’m wearing, you’ll notice something about me that’s different from other women.

I don’t have pierced ears.

I know. The majority of females do. All my friends do. Actually now that I think about it, I don’t know anyone that doesn’t. EDIT: I LIED. I DO KNOW SOMEONE!!!!

Much like my choice of not eating beef, this is just something I’ve chosen not to do. And it doesn’t make me any less of a girl or weird.

I’ve never actually had a desire in my life to get my ear lobes pierced. There may have been some brief moment in time when I did think about getting the upper cartilage pierced but it was so brief I barely will admit to it. I have no moral or religious issues regarding this decision. I’m not all “why put more holes in your body than what God gave you” or anything like that. I just never really wanted to do it even though every other girl I know has. My parents would have allowed me after a certain age but that time came and went and I never did it.

I see on my Facebook feed, moms getting their daughter’s ears pierced when they are super young, like before one years old. It’s their decision though I don’t necessarily agree with it. Since you’re doing something to her body, shouldn’t she be old enough to have a say in it? Why are you honestly doing it – for her or for you? Granted, I suppose the same thing could be said about boys and circumcision but that’s a whole other story.

Sure, I will admit that sometimes it probably would help with accessories and to accentuate certain styles. Also I was the only bridesmaid who didn’t have pierced ears so I missed out on the earrings as a gift. EDIT: I WASN’T THE ONLY ONE! WHEW. But those are just minor things.

This can be to some folks’ advantage. When I shop at Charming Charlie’s for necklaces, I used to be disappointed that there would be some awesome looking necklaces. However they came paired with earrings. I would avoid them in the past because what was I going to do with them? Now I just give them to one of my best friends and she gets a free pair of earrings!

Fun story though. Even though I will never get my ears pierced, when I was in college I got my eyebrow pierced. Whaaaaaa? I know right? Seems like I had no problem doing that. To this day, I’m not really sure why I did it. Other than the typical “I’m away at college and I can do whatever I want” reason. Actually I think it was because it was so unlike me and something the Deborah in high school would never have done and no one would have expected it.

I had a friend recommend me a tattoo/piercing salon in downtown Blacksburg and one day after class, I went down with another friend and got it done. Handed over my $80 and sat in the chair and waited. I got a barbel vs the hoop because I didn’t want it to catch on things. It didn’t hurt as much as I thought it was going to.

I don’t really have any pictures of myself with the piercing. My parents made me comb my hair over my left eye anytime I was out in public with them. They weren’t fans of it.

But it looked a little something like this:

I enjoyed having it. Though it was a slight pain to keep clean, it was part of my image and personality at the time. The only negative thing for me was when I got my hair cut once and I told the stylist to please not comb my hair so that it was right in front of my face. She didn’t listen and constantly kept bringing the comb down ON the eyebrow ring. I did my best not to curse.

But it was all short-lived anyways. I broke my ankle 10 months later and had to go into surgery. During prep they removed everything off of me, including my eyebrow ring. Due to me being out of it for the next several days, by the time I got around to putting it back in, the holes had pretty much closed up. And thus ended my time as a pierced person.

I haven’t had any desire since then to pierce or repierce any parts of my body. I’m perfectly fine with my non-pierced ears and though I may miss out on getting awesome gifts of earrings in the future, it is ok. I wouldn’t be me any other way.

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I’m bringing the party to you aka one year anniversary of this blog

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Welp. Today is my birthday. But even more fun, today is my one year anniversary for this blog! (Is it blogiversary or bloggiversary? I’ve seen both.)

I can’t believe I’m still writing this thing. And that people actually read it. Honestly, it’s still really weird to hear from people that they read my blog. To those of you who have told me that you have, hello and thank you! To those of you who are lurkers, feel free to unlurk anytime.

When I started this blog a year ago, I honestly didn’t know if I would make it to a year. I had been blogging earlier for 6 years straight and then burned out completely. Since this blog didn’t really have a set goal in mind, the temptation to quit was always there. I’ve seen many bloggers start off being really excited only to quit 3 months in. So for me to make it this far is excellent.

I set a schedule of when and what I was going to write three days a week. And I kept it! Kinda like with my running (no, I won’t talk about that again right now. Don’t worry.) In case you missed it the first time around, here is the reason of Why Do I Blog?

I can be a stats nerd and I’ve been keeping track of what the top viewed posts on my blog have been since I started writing. The top five has been a very close race and I’ve been refreshing every day to see what would come ahead. The last one came out of nowhere but based on what keywords people are searching, it appears I am not the only one who has faced these in life.

  1. That Time that God Hit Me in the Head (aka that time God made me do something I didn’t want to do but worth it)
  2. Trusting God When Things Seem Impossible (aka why one should always just keep trusting that God knows best)
  3. The Girl Who Waited (aka waiting sucks but if God wants to you do it, do it)
  4. Celeb Fangirling: The Josh Groban edition (aka this is how my relationship with Josh Groban began)
  5. When Someone is Mad at You and You Don’t Know Why (aka one of the greatest unsolved mysteries in life)

While those were the top five VIEWED posts, here are some others that I really enjoyed writing and are also personal favorites

Since I started this blog, I’ve had a lot of opportunities happen for myself which has been great. But in all honesty, what is far more awesome is the reaction I get from folks who have gotten stuff out of what I’ve written. I never really thought that all the crap I go through in life actually can help people but apparently it has if all of you seem to have stuck around for this long.

And for that I say again thank you. Thank you for all the comments, the follows, the retweets, the shares, liking the Facebook page. I wish I could offer a giveaway or something (perhaps in the future) but for now just know this:

Now let’s just go out and celebrate. Here’s to another year of blogging!

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What’s in a name?

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I am pretty lenient about a lot of things. But I have one hard rule that 99.9% of the time I will not back down on.

Never call me Debbie. NEVER.

If you ever meet me, you’ll soon find out that I refuse to be called Debbie.

The first time you do it, I’ll let it slide once. I’ll just assume you made a mistake. Even then, I’ll give you a look. It doesn’t matter who you are. The second time you do it, I’ll correct you. You do it again after that? I won’t respond to you. To quote Rumpelstiltskin, “That is not my name!”

My parents named me Deborah after the judge in the Bible. It’s gone out of fashion as the years go by. Other than one other girl I met in college, I don’t know a single person my age or younger named Deborah. Every other person with my name has always been older than me. They also spell it lots of different ways. Sometimes I wish I had a different name. Deborah seems very boring and combined with my middle name, I either have a 50’s housewife name or a very Jewish name. At other times though, it’s unique and I do sometimes like the fact that I am usually the only Deborah because then people know and remember me just by my first name (especially since spelling my last name is extremely difficult).

However there are many people who also go by the name of Debbie.

I do not.

Forgive me to any readers of mine or who come across this that go by that nickname. I’m sure you are all very nice people and I hold no ill will to you at all and I hope you are not offended by this.

I however am not a Debbie. A Debbie to me is a very peppy, very preppy 80s cheerleader name.

Or:

Or

Or a grown up film that includes a city in Texas of which I will not reference here because I don’t want Google search keywords finding it that way.

I have never been a Debbie. Even as a little kid, I also corrected people who insisted on calling me that. I never have and I never will be.

There is only one exception I have ever made to this rule and it involves two of my very good friends and their adorable baby. I’ve allowed them to refer to me as “Aunt Debbie” for him. I basically lost the battle with this but he’s so cute that I’ll allow it. But no one else gets this. Not even when I have future nieces and nephews of my own.

Interestingly though, I will allow Deb as a nickname. It’s not preferred but I’ll go along with it.

It just think it’s funny how people will just shorten your name without your consent. It’s one thing if you introduce yourself as Mike instead of Michael. But it’s another thing if I start calling you that without you telling me it’s ok to do so AND after you tell me to call me Michael. I realize that to some people it’s a small thing that they probably don’t care about. But to me, your name is your identity. And if someone respects you, they should follow your wishes when it comes to something like this.

My point is that my name is not Debbie. it’s Deborah. I would be pleased and honored if you called me by that name.

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The Power (and Danger) of Imagination

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I don’t know about you but I have a really big imagination.

Ever since I was a little kid, I used my imagination to help me get through things in life. And yes sometimes I still do that to this day.

If I have to eat something that I absolutely hate but I HAVE to eat it, I just sometimes pretend that I’m on the Oregon Trail and this is part of my meager portions that I need to eat to survive.

While I’m running, when it gets really hard and I feel like I’m about to die, I pretend that I’m being chased by zombies and I just need to go a little further to make it to safety.

I read a lot of fiction and I watch a lot of movies. While I do read a good amount of non fiction, I prefer fiction because I enjoy seeing how others use their creativity.

Imagination does get me in trouble sometimes however. There’s the whole daydreaming when you’re not supposed to, like in class or in church during a sermon. Sometimes it’s hard to focus when the speaker just goes on and on about a boring subject and they refuse to attempt to make it interesting.

And then there are those times when I worry or have anxiety and I let my imagination run away with me. I will gather just the bare bones information of what I have and I will concoct a wild and crazy scenario that will probably be completely untrue. Sometimes I am right, sometimes I am wrong. Either way the thing is, I don’t know 100% what’s going on.

Sure, I can be realistic and prepare for something that could possibly happen. But if it’s something that I’m dwelling on without confirmation? It’s my imagination running away with me and THAT’S when imagination becomes a problem. Because that’s when the worry, fear, anxiety, and stress will all kick in just because I start to think something may be happening based off of assumptions and an overactive imagination. Though I will say, if you don’t respond to a reasonable amount of texts, voice mails, emails sent over a significant amount of time and no one has any idea if you’ve fallen off the face of the earth, I may start imagining that you’ve died in your house and we all just don’t know it yet.

It’s perfectly fine and healthy to have an active imagination. But you have to know when it’s real and when you’re running away with it. As long as you can tell the difference (and perhaps confine it to a certain room), you’ll be fine.

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Add me to your buddy list

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This past week I came across a post on Buzzfeed that brought back all sorts of memories: “21 Signs You Were Addicted to AIM While Growing Up“. I could relate to pretty much everything on the list.


I don’t remember exactly when I started using AIM but I think it was my senior year in high school. My family didn’t subscribe to AOL on a normal basis but every now and then we used the free trials from those CD roms that always came in the mail. Therefore I knew all about how to use Instant Messenger.

I used the screen name ‘beatccr’ for several years. I had created that name freshman year in high school because I was a fan of The Beatles and Creedence Clearwater Revival. After a while I decide to change things up and switched it “I Worry Easily”. Yep. That was a thing for a few years.

Listening to these sounds brought back all the memories.

I entered college RIGHT at the peak of the use of AIM. Everyone was on it. You could hear those blips and bloops as you walked through the dorms. Even if you were in the same room with someone you still IMed them. The best would be when you messaged someone across the hall about getting dinner and they yelled back at you.

I went through several color palate and font changes. It was like trying on new outfits until you find what suits you. Away messages was where I posted all my emo song lyrics. I would like to apologize to all the people who kept seeing Dashboard Confessional show up in my messages every other week.

There were so much passive aggressiveness in my profile. I never called out anyone but a lot of stuff was clearly directed at certain people. 98% of them never said anything about it. But I’m pretty sure that they knew it was about them and didn’t give a _____.

Anyone else put up that link where you could stalk whoever checked your profile? And you didn’t put it so it was super obvious. You did it in a Rick Roll type of way and then you’d try to figure out who were these random people who found your profile.

Do you remember buddy icons? And how you had to pick the perfect one in order to fit your personality? We used to visit sites like BadAssBuddy to get them.

The longest I ever stayed on AIM was at least 44 days 3 hours 57 min. That meant that I never turned off my computer for a month and a half. Also that the power never went out for that long either. Oh those were the days. Also when you had to go somewhere else, like the library or math emporium, you’d get on AIM express so you could always stay in contact with people.

I made (and lost) a lot of friends because of AIM. Some of them I still talk to though we’ve moved onto different messaging platforms. In the past three years I’ve been using Gchat but it’s not the same and I think the novelty is also wearing off. Not everyone uses it and I think that it’s dropping

Sigh. Real time chatting online is now a thing of the past now that we all text with each other. I guess I could also talk to people in person.

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I Forgot to Remember to Forget

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There’s a line in my favorite Chronicles of Narnia book, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, that has always stuck with me. It’s the scene when Lucy has to read the magician’s spellbook to help save the Dufflepuds become visible again. And during the list of spells she flips past through are two that I would have been very tempted to say myself: “how to remember things forgotten, how to forget things you wanted to forget.”

There’s also the memory spell from Harry Potter that I sometimes wish I could perform on myself:

For believe me there are many things that I wish I could forget in my life.

In the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, the main characters have their memories erased of each other to forget the pain and hurt that happened due the breakdown of their relationship. It seems like it would be a brilliant invention. To have your mind swept free of all the negative feelings that were the result of heartbreak. Sometimes I wish that actually took place.

Of course you do grow because of the pain. You do grow from your experiences. As much as I hate what I’ve gone through, I know that because of the bad stuff, I’ve become a better person. And that part I’m ok with. I try not to dwell on the painful past though. It does no good to sit there and be reminded constantly of how much you were hurt. I just hate it when the memories sneak up when you’re not expecting it. I’m not talking about if a song comes on the radio that used to be your song. I mean like looking at patch of grass and a flood of memories comes back.

Sometimes I wonder if the other person remembers things too. Obviously what you place importance on will stand out more to one person than another. But other times it feels like the other person literally did wipe out every memory of you just like Clementine did to Joel in Eternal Sunshine. And because you don’t want to be the only one with the memories, it’s easy to just want to shut them out too. And that can hurt.

(FYI: some cursing. Also I totally forgot David Cross was in that movie)

If I had a super power it would be the ability to absorb knowledge and never forget it. I’d be able to give out information in the blink of an eye. My name would be something like The Encyclopedia or the Archivist. I remember things. I remember birthdays, important anniversaries, events. I retain information like a sponge. Now I don’t have a photographic memory. I can’t look at something and automatically remember what was there. But I do have good reading comprehension skills. And I’m good at picking up on small details.

Senior year in high school, it was a joke among my friends that if anyone needed to remember anything, they just needed to turn to me and I’d remember it in my brain or my “files”.

SAMSUNG

Sometimes I don’t let on that I remember things or people. I feel weird because I remember tiny little details that everyone else seems to have forgotten. I try not to be that person that brings up that embarrassing moment from 6th grade that you had tried to block out of your mind. If something triggers a memory in me, while it may bother me on the inside, I try to keep my mouth shut because it was only important to me.

People always say to me “I can’t believe you remember that!” Sometimes I wish I didn’t.

I’ll see people from years ago and I’ll totally recognize them but they don’t seem to recognize me. Sometimes that bothers me a little because it makes me feel like I didn’t exist or that I was so unimportant that I’ve been erased from their memory. This hurts especially when we used to be good friends.

It sucks also when I make plans with someone and I remember the plans. But then it feels like the other person doesn’t remember. And I’m never sure if I’m supposed to remind them or wait for them to remember. I don’t want to nag but at the same time I want to think that I was important enough to be remembered.

However, I totally realize that everyone is different and not everyone has a memory like mine. I’m good at remembering faces, little details, etc. I mean that’s part of the reason why I decided to study history. To me, remembering things is important and priority to me.

The hard part is just remembering (heh) that not everyone else is like this. Again you’d think I’d realize this all the time, but it’s only starting to sink in. Just because I place priority over something does not mean everyone else does. Sometimes you do have to push people to remember things and it doesn’t mean that it makes you any less of important. Other times, people just choose to forget you and there’s nothing you can do about it.

Ironically as I look at my Timehop app for today, an app that triggers a lot of memories, one of my Twitter statuses from three years ago was this