Today’s blog post is inspired by a writing prompt from SheReadsTruth. Currently they are in the middle of a devotional about “ the life of Christ from His resurrection to His ascension” and how the story doesn’t just end after Easter. Last Friday they asked us this question:
What holds you back from being available for commissioned moments? When have you experienced a commissioned moment and how did you witness God’s supernatural power at work?
Photo credit: SheReadsTruth
For the past few years since my marriage ended, I’ve been praying a lot more and my relationship with God has improved a gazillion percent of how it used to be. He’s proven time and time again how if I just trust him then he will be faithful. If I just have faith, he will come through. I have been praying a lot more since then and now, not a day goes by when I don’t have at least one small conversation with God.
Since becoming more aware of this, I’ve been asking God to use me more. I know that even when I moments of self-doubt and uncertainty, God sees me someone worth sending his son to die for. Therefore I AM worthy and I am so grateful that he did that. And I want him to use me and use my story to help others if I can. But because of those moments of being afraid and being worried about what other people will think, I usually don’t want to follow through on that nudge or instinct.
Except there was this one time where I couldn’t ignore it.
I’ve mentioned this briefly before on my blog but it’s still one of my favorite stories to tell so I’ll tell it again. I’m not going to go completely into detail here out of respect for the privacy of others but if you know me in person, I’ll tell you the entire thing again.
Right about the time when my marriage started ending, God brought other people in my life that I needed but didn’t realize at the time. I had hidden what was really going on for the past year to the point that no one outside of family realized that anything was really wrong. But God put certain people in my life to help me open up and see that I wasn’t alone and I didn’t have to go through all this alone. One of these people seemed rather unremarkable when we first met but then we soon realized that we had way more in common and were basically like kindred spirits.
It was through this friendship that God put all the pieces of the puzzle together in a way that neither of us realized. One day on a way to a friend’s softball game, we were talking in the car about random stuff and somehow the conversation got changed to talking about another friend who had gone through hardships and how you never realized it because they hid it on the outside. And how that wasn’t necessarily a good thing.
That’s when it happened. See we hadn’t really talked about why my marriage was ending at this point. I hadn’t brought it up at all because I just didn’t want to talk about it. It was a very messy situation that brought a lot of pain and I just wanted to not bring it up and make everyone else feel uncomfortable as well. But as I was driving, it was at that moment where I heard God tell me “Tell your story.” And I sat there (while my friend was still talking because believe me they can go on forever and not realize I was having weird expressions on my face) and argued back with God, “No! I don’t want to about it.” God responded again with “Tell your story.” And I argued back, “Why? I barely know this person. We’ve been friends for two weeks. Some of my friends who have known me for years still have no idea.” God replied back, this time as I felt a physical slight push on the back of my head, “Trust me.” My response again, “God I don’t know.” Then God literally poked me in the head to the point where I felt my head move forward and my friend noticed.
And so, I told my story. It was the first time I had told anyone the entire story. And I used words and phrases to describe what happened for the first time. At the time, I had no idea why I was even using those words. And I didn’t know why at all I was telling my story. I ended up talking so much that I missed our turn to the softball field. When I was done, the response was like “Oh, um thanks for sharing that.” And I mentally said to God “Why did I do that?” and he responded “Wait. Trust me.” I felt slightly awkward but I knew I had no other choice but to do so. (And thus began how I became “The Girl Who Waited” while “Trusting God When Things Seem Impossible“.
Though it felt like forever, two weeks later, my friend finally told me their story. And as I sat there listening, I understood now why God had me tell my story. Because they needed to hear it from me first. They needed to know as well that they were not alone. That someone else had gone through what they did and could tell the next steps of what to do. And God knew all this. He had planned this entire moment to happen the way it did for this reason. And if I had ignored him and didn’t obey, I don’t know what would have happened. Perhaps somebody else could have done the same thing. But the thing is, God chose me. He wanted ME to do this. He planned that moment to happen exactly when it did because it was the best for BOTH of us. And since that conversation, I have seen so many good things come out of it. I’ve seen so many people positively affected by this one tiny act. It’s been really awesome.
A lot of people could write off the whole thing as a coincidence but I don’t. There’s a bunch of things that make this whole thing not a coincidence. Timing, situations, people having to meet people. There are so many small details that had to have taken place in order for us to meet that it’s one of those “God things” where only he could have made this work.
It’s because of this that God’s placed it on my heart to pray for my friend daily. Even when I don’t feel like it. Even when I get angry with them. Even when I’ve been hurt by them. God’s shown me the power of prayer through this and what happens when I don’t believe that it actually works. And I don’t know how long I’ll keep praying specifically for them. I don’t know if I will ever see the fruits of my prayer or I’m just supposed to plant the seed. I just know that I am obeying God because he wants me to do this.
I have seen God work so much in this. He’s told me to trust him. He’s answered a lot of prayers. Even when it gets rough, because of everything that has taken place, I have faith in him for what is yet to come. I’ve seen how God has used me and my story and how from the utterly awful mess, He’s created something beautiful out of it. And when I tell people about all this, I know it’s because God wanted me to.
So keep using me and my story, Lord.