Author Archives: Deborah Khuanghlawn

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The Bible on the big screen? BRING IT.

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So more fun again with talking about faith and entertainment.

It’s a well known fact that when it comes to translating the Bible into works of art, there is always much debate over how it’s done. Whether it’s in books or movies, when you take the Bible and transfer it to a different medium there are always going to be people who find this offensive and sacrilegious no matter how well it’s done.

Me personally: unless something goes so far off the deep end that it really feels like the author/director is purposely mocking my faith with their work, then I really have no problems with creative license. My faith is strong enough that one movie or book isn’t going to shatter it.

I’ve been looking forward to seeing the movie Noah directed by Darron Aronofsky that’s coming out at the end of March. The story of Noah is well known to anyone and it hasn’t been done SO many times that it’s repetive. The cast list is fantastic (Russell Crowe, Jennifer Connelly, Anthony Hopkins, Emma Watson) and Aronofsky is an awesome award winning director. I’m really excited that this is being done as a Hollywood movie because that means that the special effects, acting, and directing will actually be GOOD. Because I’m sorry, 9 times out of a 10, a movie made by Christians just doesn’t have the same artistic value.

In an article posted in The Hollywood Reporter, Aronofsky was quoted as saying:

“We wanted to smash expectations of who Noah is. The first thing I told [star] Russell [Crowe] is, ‘I will never shoot you on a houseboat with two giraffes behind you.’ … You’re going to see Russell Crowe as a superhero, a guy who has this incredibly difficult challenge put in front of him and has to overcome it. … I had no problem completely honoring and respecting everything in the Bible and accepting it as truth. … For people who are very literal-minded, it would be great to communicate that the themes of the film are very much in line with the themes of the Bible—ideas about hope, second chances and family. If they allow that, they’re going to have an incredible experience with the movie. If they don’t allow it, it’s theirs to lose.”

Now for me personally, I’m perfectly fine with his explanation and I’m ready to see what he’ll bring to the table to the story. Because for me, even though the story of Noah is in the Bible, there’s still a whole bunch that’s missing. This is why I like Biblical fiction because you can expound on the lives of the characters that the Bible leaves out. And for me as long as accurate historical research is done (that’s the historian in me), I’m fine with creative licensing to flesh out the characters and make their stories come alive. My only quip would be if they got things historically accurate, and I’m a bit surprised that most of the cast is white, but as long as the story is good, I’m ok with that.

But not everyone agrees with me. I’ve been reading comments where people are already planning on boycotting because they feel that nothing should be added to the story. And how it’s sacrilegious to bring this on the screen. Many of these comments are from Christians, who from what I can tell seem to be VERY conservative in their thinking and to me seem a little close minded. They don’t want to give it a chance. The comments then becoming judgemental and honestly a little ignorant and the legalism in these folks makes me want to keep slamming my head on a desk.

Which then frustrates me because these are the same people that complain that Hollywood will not ever cater to those who are Christians. Yet here again is Hollywood putting out a movie by a well known and respected director who is saying that he DOES accept the Bible as truth, and Christians immediately want to boycott without seeing anything. And you wonder why Hollywood doesn’t put out faith based movies? Because when they test the waters, YOU RUN AWAY FROM IT.

Here’s the other thing. The story of Noah is from the Old Testament which is really the Torah which is of course the Jewish holy book. Aronofsky was raised Jewish so he knows the stories. I think some Christians tend to forget that what is in the Bible isn’t 100% just for Christians. While I’m not denying at all that what is in the Bible isn’t truth and God’s word, there’s also a lot more that happened in those stories that we just don’t know because we weren’t there. I don’t believe it’s “adding to the word of God” anymore than I felt The Da Vinci Code did. I’m strong enough in my faith to not believe that one movie or story is going to wreck it.

And that’s why I’m looking forward to this movie and any other Biblical adaption that’s coming out this year. For me personally, these things will always be a good discussion starter. I don’t come out of any movie automatically believing what I’ve seen is true. I am not the person that instantly believes everything I hear or see. And if this movie can bring this story to life and eventually change lives, I’m all for it. If it’s just entertainment to me, I’m still all for it. I’m just not going to immediately boycott something BEFORE it even comes out because it may or may not be what I want it to be.

So while there will probably be a lot of Christians that refuse to see this movie, you can count on this one Christian that’s going to be there. At the Alamo Drafthouse. Eating endless bowls of popcorn with butter. Anyone want to join me?

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Random Thoughts about Traveling

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I was gone on a business trip last week. I don’t get to travel that much so even though it was just to Akron, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I do enjoy getting away and seeing new things. Ironically though the most difficult part about traveling for me is the planning beforehand.

I know that’s weird coming from me, the person that likes to make sure everything is planned out beforehand. But I actually get really stressed out when planning for trips. It’s one of the few things that I’d rather someone else handle and I just go along with the flow. Even packing is way too stressful for me. What if I forget something? What if I lose my luggage? What if I didn’t bring the right kind of clothes?

Plane rides and airports can be fun. I take advantage of those cookies that are offered on Delta flights and free sodas? Woo! And thank the Lord for charge stations in the airport because my phone likes to suck the battery dry when I travel plus free WiFi makes a four hour delay go a lot faster. I got stuck in the “expedited” security check point which was supposed to go faster because it meant I didn’t have to take off my shoes or take out my laptop. But really, it made everything slower because most people choose not to read the signs that say you don’t have to do this. To make up for this, I was given that awesome in flight safety video that Delta now has out.

Some folks don’t like sleeping on unfamiliar beds. With me, I say bring it on. Any bed is basically going to be better than what I sleep on now so I pass out as soon I get on the hotel bed. Plus there are always a billion pillows which is never a bad thing.

I also get excited about discovering new places to eat at when I travel. I can understand going to grab a quick meal at a nationwide chain if you’re in a hurry. But if you have time to spare, why on earth would you go eat at places you can visit at home when you can try something new? Unless, of course you’re one of those kinds of people who hate trying new things and are picky eaters. As for me, I love to try out new things, even though admittedly I always get a bit nervous because I don’t like it when it’s obvious I’m not one of the locals when ordering.

Seeing new sights is always fun. Even if it’s just a local museum of what the town you’re in is famous for. There’s no shame in doing the big touristy things especially if you’ve never been in that city before. Just because everyone does it doesn’t mean it’s not cool if you go see it too.

As dorky as this sounds, one of my favorite things about traveling to new places is being able to check in on them on Foursquare. This is the best time to rack up points and get badges especially if none of your friends has been to those locations. It’s also a really good way for me to keep track of everywhere I’ve been.

So that’s all that went through my head as I traveled this past week. Hopefully I’ll get to do it again soon. Anyone up for a road trip?

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So may I introduce to you the act you’ve known for all these years?

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It was 50 years ago last week that the Beatles came to the US for the first time and basically changed the way the world heard music forever.

It was about 18 and a half years ago (oh gosh am I that old?!) this year that I really discovered the Beatles music and it changed the way I heard music forever.

If you’ve known me for any amount of time, then you know that Beatles are MY band. Yes, I listen to other music and I have other bands that I greatly enjoy. But ever since November 1995, the Beatles have been my favorite band. That was when the Beatles Anthology came on TV and it changed my life forever.

I was in 7th grade and I was trying to figure out what type of music to like. Everyone was either listening to rap or alternative or country and while I liked certain songs, there wasn’t anything I gravitated towards. I wanted something that I could answer to when someone asked me what was my favorite type of music. And for reasons that I could not explain to you, I had the desire to tape the special. And then obsessively watched it for the next year. The Beatles were now MY band.

I still can’t explain what drew me to their music. Probably the same magic that drew all those fans 50 years ago. It’s catchy. It’s good. It’s simple. It’s deep. It stands the test of time. It’s influential. It’s memorable. I can find a Beatles song for almost any situation I’m in. Their music is classic. Their own music evolved and therefore changed music as we now hear it forever.

What gets me the most is that when they wrote all these songs and music, ALL of the Beatles were younger than me. To write over 200 songs (and more when they started their solo careers) in your 20s that have stood the test of time for over FIFTY years? Geniuses, I tell you.

Now they might not be your favorite band and you may detest their music. But if you like music of any sort, I can guarantee you that whoever you listen to has been someone affected by the Beatles. This is one of those short blog posts where I don’t feel like I need to gush or explain in detail. You either appreciate their music or you don’t. I do.

Here’s to another 50 years.

Update:

I got to visit the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland today and well, this is what happened:

beatles john

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Faith + Entertainment = ?

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If you’ve been reading my blog for any good amount of time or you know me in real life, then you are fully aware of both my strong faith and love in entertainment. While I’m pretty conservative on some things, I guess you can say I’m pretty liberal in my entertainment choices. I basically like everything or at least will give it a chance.

I fully respect your right to not want to watch, read, or participate in something because it conflicts with your beliefs whatever that may end up being. You are perfectly in your rights to not want to do something that you are uncomfortable with or that you feel may cause some sort of harm to you.

What I don’t understand is why there are so many Christians that are so judgmental of others for their entertainment choices or the fact how negatively vocal they are when it comes to things they don’t like.

I was reading the Facebook page of a Christian based entertainment review site. Now I normally have no trouble with the actual reviews themselves. The reviewers cover pretty much everything in movies, TV shows, video games, and music and usually give a fair review of the content. Their target audience is quite conservative so they tend to give more of play-by-play of content IN their review (ie. sexual content, language, violence) vs their overall opinion. Sometimes it can be a little too broken down for me (ie. sexual content = characters hold hands) but I still appreciate the fact that they will still go review rated R movies or play video games rated mature M. Why? Just because someone is a Christian doesn’t mean they are going to stop doing these things plus what may not be appropriate for one person doesn’t mean another person isn’t going to enjoy it.

But even though these reviewers understand it, apparently sometimes their audience does not. And that is what frustrates me. The attitude that some Christians can have towards other people who don’t share specifically what they believe in. The Facebook comments from the entertainment site wanted to make me punch a hole through a wall because I could just feel the close mindedness and judgmental attitudes of some people.

Like banning books. I never can understand the practice of this especially when I find out that the parents wanting to uphold the ban have NEVER READ the books they want to ban. You don’t want your kid to read it? Fine. But who are you to say that no one else can?

Growing up there were some things that my parents didn’t want to expose us to because they felt it wasn’t appropriate at our age. And that was fine. Whether or not we actually were, we were still minors living at home so they had every right to impose that on us. But did they ever try to force their particular rules on other people? Nope. Did they condemn others for not sharing their same opinion? Nope. Did they judge other Christians for letting their kids do what they wouldn’t allow us? Nope.

It just amazes me how quick to judge some Christians can be and how they don’t seem to realize how callous and judgmental they look. If the point of our faith is to show the rest of the world that how different we are from those that don’t share our beliefs, being the stereotype that drives away those who we would like to reach out to, is NOT the way to do it.

I could go on about this for a long time and I may write more posts about this in the future regarding certain types of media or how just because something is Christian doesn’t mean it’s artistically something I want to support. I have issues with legalism because it goes against everything that I believe about what my faith really stands for. So consider this just a warm up post for posts later to come.

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Deborah’s random ramblings of the week

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I was reading Boundless the other day, and in their podcast section, there was an advice question that caught my attention. The writer of the question wondered if her love for theology and doctrine was a turn off to guys. She said it felt like all the guys she knew were going for girls who weren’t so spiritually deep. And she wanted to know if there was something she was doing wrong because of this. The answer was basically be yourself, keep doing what you love but don’t be a know it all.

I didn’t really find this answer satisfactory but it did get me thinking. In general, do we become attracted to people who share our interests or those that are opposite of us? Do we want to share with someone our experiences or have to explain to them all the time about it? Even when it comes to just our friends, do we gravitate towards what we know or look for something completely different?

Sometimes I feel weird because I know certain things and no one else does. Usually it’s because no one else wants to know these things but I wanted to learn more about it myself. I don’t want to be a know it all and I try very hard to not always tell what I know unless it legitimately comes up in conversation. That’s the other thing, I learn things so I CAN join in the conversation instead of just sitting there not knowing. But sometimes I wonder if people would rather just be asked so they can talk vs actually talk with someone who is on their level. I feel really weird sometimes that I want to know the things that I do. Which aren’t that weird to be honest. Just they tend to favor certain people over others.

But you know what? Overall the answer to that question is the right one. Be who you are. Like what you want to like. And you will find people who appreciate what you do like. Do not change just to make people like you. And never feel inferior about yourself because of who you are.

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The Olympics are Here! GO SPORTS!

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You guys! It’s finally here! The Olympics! YAY! To get you in the mood…..

Upfront disclaimer: I am fully aware of the protests and the situation with the games being held in Russia. I respect the decision to boycott watching the games. This post is more focused on the Olympics in general.

I am an Olympic lover. I love sports in general. I can watch football, college basketball, tennis, heck even NASCAR and be super excited. But the Olympics are the Holy Grail of sports watching for me. It’s a wonderful hybrid for a person like me who enjoys sports and history.

I have no memory of watching the Olympics until 1992. Whether or not we watched it before, I have no idea. But when the 1992 Winter Games came on, I remembered my family being glued to the TV especially when Kristi Yamaguchi won the gold medal in ladies figure skating. And since then the Olympic Games has always been a viewing staple in my life. While I was at home my family was hooked to the TV. When I was away for college in 2002, even though I didn’t have my own TV in my dorm room, I still somehow found ways to watch the games.

If this blog is still running in 2016, I’ll talk about the summer games then, which I do love. But as this is 2014 and it’s the winter games, that’s what we’ll be talking about.

The Opening Ceremonies, while boring to most, I find very exciting. This is where I learned a lot about the culture of each host country. Plus the parade of nations is how I basically learned geography. Thanks to the Olympics, I was the only kid in my fourth grade class that could name countries that had been part of the former Soviet Union.

There may still be a small part of me that likes to pretend I am a world-class athlete and can represent my country at the Olympics and win a gold medal. For years it used to be skiing. And then I actually tried out skiing for the first time and I realized yeah there ain’t no way I can make it down a mountain that fast.

I love watching so many of the sports. This is probably the only time every four years that I will sit down and watch an entire hockey game. Also when else do you get to watch bobsled, skeleton, or luge? And will someone please explain to me the purpose of two-man luge and why only men compete and what is the benefit of having them lie on top of each other?

Snowboarding is one of my favorite sports to watch because it seems so cool and I wish I could do that so badly. But really I know I can’t so it’s just fun to enjoy. Speed skating can be a lot of fun. There’s this Dan Jansen Visa commercial that gets me EVERY TIME I watch it. Because Morgan Freeman’s voice elicits tears.

Short track speed skating brings out the most adrenaline though. Have you seen one of these races? It’s basically roller derby on ice. People fall. You don’t know who’s going to win. We shout so much at the TV during these races. It’s basically the equivalent of the swimming races in my book. Why? Because the unexpected happens. Exhibit A:

And then there’s the crown jewel of the Winter Olympics. Figure skating. I LOVE watching figure skating. I cannot imagine though how on earth they can do all those jumps and land on one foot on that skinny blade and not break their ankle constantly. But it’s so beautiful to watch. And so much drama. SO MUCH.

Plus every Olympics, there’s always an Olympic crush. I think last year it was either a snowboarder or Evan Lysacek. But as I get older, the athletes get younger. But for now, I’ll be glued to my TV and computer as I enjoy these games and cheer on my country. USA! USA! USA!

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Having Faith In God vs Having Faith in the Results

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This past Sunday, my pastor continued his series on Philippians. This week he only focused mainly on two verses:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)

As you remember a couple of weeks ago, I have trouble when it comes to worrying. I do it a lot over certain areas in my life. However, in person I hide it pretty well. Even if you know me really well, I’m usually pretty good at keeping it from you unless you ask me. I can be a “ninja worrier”.

That being said this week’s message gave me A LOT of food for thought. Like pretty much a good deal amount of folks in the service, it seemed as if the message was specifically for me. Everyone worries to some degree about something. If you’re a parent, you’re going to worry. Our pastor mentioned that there was a man he met that said he never worried because he trusted God in everything. While I wish that I had faith that strong, I do wonder if he was a parent because I highly doubt that anyone can be a loving parent and not worry about their children.

The takeaway of the message for me was that we need to hope in the Lord and not in the results. Which is what I don’t do AT ALL. My focus tends to be on what the outcome is going to be. It’s hard to not hope for that. If you think something is going to happen, if you want it to happen, if your prayers have been centered around something trying to happen, then it’s no wonder why you focus on the results.

There’s a difference between concern and anxiety. Example: Say someone told you on Sunday they were going to get in touch with you to get together during the week. It’s now Thursday and you still haven’t heard from them. Concern: “I guess that person forgot. Maybe they got busy. I hope they’re ok. But since they said they would take the responsibility for contacting me, there’s nothing I can do about it.” Anxiety: “WHY AREN’T THEY CONTACTING ME????!! Did I do something wrong? What is wrong with me that I keep getting ignored? It’s my fault isn’t it? Or maybe they died? Should I do something about it??? WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME????!!”

Yes I think you can see the difference. (And I don’t mean from the increase of punctuation)

I borrow from tomorrow’s worries a lot. I’m scared of what the future could possibly bring. Unfortunately it’s in my genetic makeup to worry and I have to fight it. I have to trust in the Lord. I don’t know why things happen or don’t happen but I have to trust that God has his hand in all this. And even though I may not understand right now and there’s a good chance that I may never understand until I get to heaven and ask God why (and believe me I’ll have a list of questions), I must have faith that God knows what is best for me.

It’s hard. Because I don’t know what’s going to happen. BUT I am going to keep having hope IN the LORD and not in the results. And keep praying that my desires will line up with the Lord’s and that he will take care of me and provide and protect. And even if what I fear the most does happen, that the Lord will be with me throughout it all.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” (Matthew 6:25-27)

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Book Review: “True Love Dates” by Debra K. Fileta

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It’s been a while since I’ve reviewed a book so I felt a little rusty doing this. It’s been great to be able to read for the fun of it and not have to worry about deadlines and being able to blog about what and when I want. However, when I received the opportunity to read and review this book came at such a “wonderful time” in my life. Don’t get me wrong. The book was great. The timing was less than stellar because I had hoped that I really wouldn’t have needed to read it but God makes everything happen for a reason so (reluctantly) here we are.

Ever since I became single again, I really want to do things right this time around. I’ve been reading a lot of dating, relationship, and marriage books mainly from a Christian perspective to help me prepare for whatever is coming my way. As you know my faith is important to me and while I don’t agree with everything from these viewpoints, a lot of what is said I do take into consideration. True Love Dates by Debra K. Fileta did a really good job about answering a lot of questions that I’ve had about this whole process.

Like I said I’m getting somewhat frustrated with how my relationship life is going and I sometimes do question God on what his intentions are for all this. It’s really hard when you’re 30 and almost all of your friends are dating, engaged, married, or having babies and you’re pretty much the only single in the group (as evident last night by the Superbowl party I went to where I was the only single person plus there were TWO babies!). And then even when you try to make an effort to have relationships work and they still don’t. And you’re left basically feeling like a fool because you’re not sure if you were the one that did something wrong or the other person did and there are so many answered questions that you just want call it quits and give up on ever having your dream of being married happen. Then you have everyone telling you all those clichéd advice they always give to singles about “You’ll find someone when you stop looking” or “Marriage won’t solve everything” and you want to be like “JUST SHUT UP! You’re not helping!”

Thankfully, this book is not like that. There’s a lot of really good insight and advice to be found throughout these pages. I really appreciated how Fileta doesn’t go the route that a lot of Christian dating/advice for singles books go to. Yes she does emphasize on how having a relationship with God is important but she also talks about practical advice that just reading the Bible won’t answer. There’s a lot of learning to make sure to take care of yourself first, but not so much that you feel like you have to be make sure you’re all together before putting yourself out there. Other Christian books for singles seems to think that the reader is in their very early 20s or well past the normal dating age. I also didn’t feel like the book targeted either those who have dated a lot or never dated at all, which is another tactic I feel other books tend to stereotype. I think BOTH groups will benefit and feel like the author is talking to them.

The questions and answers part at the end was probably my most favorite part of the book as a lot of those were questions I have personally asked myself (Does God want me to be single forever? Is it ok for the woman to make the first move? What to do when you get friendzoned?). And even her answers weren’t your typical Christian POV and she admits that too. It’s completely refreshing because it didn’t make me feel like I was just rereading the same thing over again.

While there were some things I didn’t necessarily agree with (one of the bits of advice for setting boundaries for sex was for females not to shave their legs) and some of the passages felt really wordy and I felt my attention starting to drift. However overall, I really enjoyed reading this book. I’m personally trying to be as prepared as I can be and this book has helped. While I know that no book is ever going to make me be fully prepared, if the knowledge is out there, I want to learn from it as best I can. And I believe that anyone can gain insight from this book.

Fileta also has some great stuff from her website where she posts articles frequently about many things that go through the minds of singles (and couples) as they tackle this “fun adventure. Examples:

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Celeb Fangirling: The Josh Groban edition

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If any of you read my blog post last week on what I was currently geeking out over, you may have noticed that I included a GIF of Josh Groban. And you may have been like, Hmm that’s random. But yes, I am now a Josh Groban fan.

Truth: I have several male celebs that I may fangirl over from time to time (contrary to popular belief Jeremy Renner is NOT one of them). And they may get brought up on this blog. (Hello Hiddles!)

Funny story though, I’m not really into his music quite yet. I’ve actually only really listened to his Christmas album and “You Raise Me Up. ” Maybe eventually I’ll get into the other stuff but that’s for later, not now. In fact last year I was invited to go see him perform when he came to the Northern Virginia area and I was like “Josh Groban? Surely you jest.” I made fun of my best friend for listening to him when we were on a road trip, “Josh Groban, really? You? What?”

And then I discovered his Twitter feed.

Nope, it’s not his not music or even the fact that he’s pretty hot that made me become a fan of him. It’s his wittiness on Twitter. That man is funny. Who knew? (And it’s actually him.) I thought he was just some pretty boy who sang music that made older women swoon. Seriously he’s the type of guy you want to bring home to your parents but if you did, you’d have women from 16-80 trying to attack you for stealing their golden boy. Therefore he must be a clean-cut and slightly boring guy who was just very vanilla.

Not at all. I mean first off, did you see him on The Office as Andy’s brother? Or him on Glee? Or his adorableness when he was very young on Ally McBeal? Ok that’s not really what I was going for. Backtracking…. I remember this video from The Jimmy Kimmel Show that Josh Groban participated in and I was like Oh wow, that’s out of character for him, that’s funny. (Warning that video is not appropriate if you get easily offended, it’s the one about Ben Affleck, so don’t click on it if you do get offended easily) Basically he wasn’t what I thought he was.

So like I said it was his Twitter feed that won me over with examples like these (though you may not find these as funny as I did):

joshgroban3 Joshgroban1 joshgroban2

Even the HuffPo thinks that Josh Groban’s twitter feed is awesome as evident here in this article.

I found this Tumblr blog that ALL about him. Basically whoever runs it has been doing it for several years. They post pics, videos, his Twitter posts, basically anything that is Groban related. And through I’ve learned a lot. Like his dog’s name. And the fact he appears to wear a lot of grandpa cardigans. Also his high school pictures. Also that man takes a LOT of posed pictures. If I didn’t know he was a singer, I’d just think he was some fashion model based on how many pics there are of him.

But all that aside, it’s been pretty fun to become interested in someone through their words and wittiness vs what they are really famous for. If I ever got the chance to meet him, I would be pretty cool with telling him that “Hey, you’re a funny guy. Oh you sing too. That’s cool. More wittiness though please.” I think I could honestly say that if Josh Groban serenaded me, I’d be like “erhm, can we actually just talk instead?” Humor and using words well makes someone more attractive and intriguing.

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Are You There God? It’s Me, Deborah

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This week in church, the final song we sang in the service was titled “Always”. It’s one of my favorite worship songs because every time I hear/sing it, it reminds me that God is always there no matter what happens.

Oh, my God
He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear
His promise is true
My God will come through always
Always

But sometimes I wonder, even though I know God WILL come through, what exactly IS going to come through? Waiting and trusting are topics that I talk about a lot because that is what it feels like my whole life revolves around. I sometimes get worried that because I want something it’s not going to happen. My biggest fears involve hoping for things but then they won’t come true because God doesn’t want it for me. It’s like God and I have different mindsets and I can never line mine up with God’s no matter how hard I try. Therefore I get scared to hope for anything because it feels like God doesn’t want me to be happy.

I know that’s obviously wrong though. I know that it’s when I’m at my most vulnerable point that is when doubt and fear creep in. And I know it’s happening because the enemy pretty much has found me at my weakest and wants to exploit it to eventually have me reject my faith in God. And let me tell you sometimes it can be very hard sometimes to not blame God for things or why things aren’t happening. I don’t believe it’s a sin to be angry nor even to be angry at God. However, I’ve been learning that I while I can be angry at my circumstances, I can’t stay that way for very long.

I’m an external processor by nature and I can vent like a champ. If you are willing to listen, I will go over something over and over with you so you can help me figure out what went wrong, what I did wrong, how I can fix it or how I can prevent it from happening again. I’ve been realizing that, while there’s nothing wrong with talking about things with others you trust, it may not necessarily be the best thing to do. Sometimes they aren’t the ones you need to go to first with your problems.

I’ve been really working more on my praying and quiet time with God. This means sometimes just having conversations with him vs a long drawn out formal prayer. I’ve been learning to talk to God about everything that’s on my mind. Even though sometimes I feel it’s very trivial, I still tell him. And sooner rather than later, I realize that it’s perfectly fine to go to him with all the concerns I have. Eventually, I begin to notice that a lot of those concerns decrease because I let it go vs holding it back in. Try it. It works wonders.

Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. (Philippians 4:6)