Category Archives: Randomness

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Book Review: “True Love Dates” by Debra K. Fileta

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It’s been a while since I’ve reviewed a book so I felt a little rusty doing this. It’s been great to be able to read for the fun of it and not have to worry about deadlines and being able to blog about what and when I want. However, when I received the opportunity to read and review this book came at such a “wonderful time” in my life. Don’t get me wrong. The book was great. The timing was less than stellar because I had hoped that I really wouldn’t have needed to read it but God makes everything happen for a reason so (reluctantly) here we are.

Ever since I became single again, I really want to do things right this time around. I’ve been reading a lot of dating, relationship, and marriage books mainly from a Christian perspective to help me prepare for whatever is coming my way. As you know my faith is important to me and while I don’t agree with everything from these viewpoints, a lot of what is said I do take into consideration. True Love Dates by Debra K. Fileta did a really good job about answering a lot of questions that I’ve had about this whole process.

Like I said I’m getting somewhat frustrated with how my relationship life is going and I sometimes do question God on what his intentions are for all this. It’s really hard when you’re 30 and almost all of your friends are dating, engaged, married, or having babies and you’re pretty much the only single in the group (as evident last night by the Superbowl party I went to where I was the only single person plus there were TWO babies!). And then even when you try to make an effort to have relationships work and they still don’t. And you’re left basically feeling like a fool because you’re not sure if you were the one that did something wrong or the other person did and there are so many answered questions that you just want call it quits and give up on ever having your dream of being married happen. Then you have everyone telling you all those clichéd advice they always give to singles about “You’ll find someone when you stop looking” or “Marriage won’t solve everything” and you want to be like “JUST SHUT UP! You’re not helping!”

Thankfully, this book is not like that. There’s a lot of really good insight and advice to be found throughout these pages. I really appreciated how Fileta doesn’t go the route that a lot of Christian dating/advice for singles books go to. Yes she does emphasize on how having a relationship with God is important but she also talks about practical advice that just reading the Bible won’t answer. There’s a lot of learning to make sure to take care of yourself first, but not so much that you feel like you have to be make sure you’re all together before putting yourself out there. Other Christian books for singles seems to think that the reader is in their very early 20s or well past the normal dating age. I also didn’t feel like the book targeted either those who have dated a lot or never dated at all, which is another tactic I feel other books tend to stereotype. I think BOTH groups will benefit and feel like the author is talking to them.

The questions and answers part at the end was probably my most favorite part of the book as a lot of those were questions I have personally asked myself (Does God want me to be single forever? Is it ok for the woman to make the first move? What to do when you get friendzoned?). And even her answers weren’t your typical Christian POV and she admits that too. It’s completely refreshing because it didn’t make me feel like I was just rereading the same thing over again.

While there were some things I didn’t necessarily agree with (one of the bits of advice for setting boundaries for sex was for females not to shave their legs) and some of the passages felt really wordy and I felt my attention starting to drift. However overall, I really enjoyed reading this book. I’m personally trying to be as prepared as I can be and this book has helped. While I know that no book is ever going to make me be fully prepared, if the knowledge is out there, I want to learn from it as best I can. And I believe that anyone can gain insight from this book.

Fileta also has some great stuff from her website where she posts articles frequently about many things that go through the minds of singles (and couples) as they tackle this “fun adventure. Examples:

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Creative Writing Exercise: Living in IKEA

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I found a book in a bookstore a while back that was a journal for writing prompts. I’ve always like the creative writing exercises we used to do in school. I also wished during the SATs or GREs that they would have picked more interesting writing prompts than the absolutely boring things they made us write on. Seriously, unless standardized tests have changed in the last 6 years, those people have NO imagination whatsoever.

This being said, I decided for fun and giggles to pick a prompt, time myself for 30 minutes to write, and use it for today’s post. This is a complete rough draft, I’m not doing any editing here other than fixing misspelled words so if it’s horrible, forgive me. Just something to make my brain juices flowing.

“You have been evicted from your home, but rather than live on the street you go to Ikea. At night you hide in the bathroom until the janitor leaves. Write about your life.”

Have you read the book The Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler? You know, the one about the kids who live in the museum? So, that’s kinda what I’ve been doing. Except swap kids with a 30 year old adult and change the museum with IKEA. And that’s me. *waves feebly from one of the showroom bedrooms* Yep, I live in IKEA.

“What? That’s crazy crackers! How did this happen?”, you ask. Well you see..I had to move out of my house. Ok, that’s a lie. I got kicked out. My landlord, who I thought was a cool person, decided to change up some rules and told me I had to go. I didn’t do anything majorly wrong. But that’s besides the point. I basically was forced out of the only place I knew up here. I didn’t have anywhere else to go so I kept delaying moving out as much as I could. I mean, I didn’t have the time or funds to look for a new place. And when you’re in the DC area, places are EXPENSIVE. Then one night, after re-watching (500) Days of Summer, one of my favorite movies of all time, a light bulb went on in my head. I COULD LIVE IN IKEA! I mean come on, there are BEDS. FREE BEDS. And couches! And TVs! And books! Ok, well sure the books are either in Swedish or books that NO ONE has ever heard of but still! And there is food! Cheap, glorious food! This is GENIUS!

I started to do my research when I went with a friend to “furniture shop”. Well while she was shopping, I was being stealthy. While visiting the third floor with all the showcases, I made sure to look out for all security cameras and anything that would make my presence known overnight. I realized that there are janitors who come into the store at night and clean BUT I also noticed that they arrived BEFORE all the customers left AND that for some weird reason, bathrooms were the first thing they cleaned. If I could hide until they were done, then I could sleep in for several hours, until just before the store opened, hide again, and then act just like a customer and get on with my day. I mean, they’re not going to check EVERY bed every day just to make sure someone is there right? Plus, the IKEA employee uniforms are easy to replicate so just in case I was ever caught by a janitor, I could just say I was an employee.

Meanwhile, I kept using the excuse to my landlord that I just needed some more time and then I promised I would be out. I think he was starting to get a little annoyed and suspicious but he didn’t push. I just brought in some packing boxes so that seemed to shut him up for a while. I tested out my plan one night fully intending to stay up all night to see what the routine would end up being. IKEA opens at 9:30 in the mornings and closes at 9 pm during most of the week and 8 pm on Sunday. What I did was I arrived at 6pm on Sunday night. I got to the third floor and hid my stuff in one of the wardrobes. There’s already stuff hanging in there so no one thought any different. I walked around, got some food, basically made myself look not suspicious while making sure that my plan was complete. Around closing time, I saw again that the janitors had already arrived and started on the bathrooms. I also knew that the staff walked around the store, rearranging and making sure everything was back in place. Feigning ignorance, I just kept walking around with the last of the customers, until I saw that the bathrooms were now cleaned. I ran in one of the stalls and stayed there for 30 minutes. Let me tell you, thank goodness for my smartphone, because otherwise that would have been the most boring 30 minutes ever.

I finally peeked out and they were no where in sight. I ran to the first showcase, and dove into the bed. Thanks to all the dark comforters, I was practically invisible. I waited. The janitors eventually left the third floor after an hour of cleaning up. Interestingly they stayed away from the showcases and focused more on the kitchen area. I crawled out of the bed and went to the next showcase bedroom where I got comfortable (but not TOO comfortable) and waited out the night til the employees came back. Maybe it never dawned on them to check in all the places but just in case, I hid under one of the beds, after the lights came on. I saw feet walking around the store but no one came into any of the showrooms. I soon realized that I could make this into a reality.

So that’s where we stand now. My daily routine is like this.

  • Wake up 30 minutes before store opens.
  • Get myself ready for the day.
  • Hide under bed/in wardrobe while staff does walkthrough.
  • Store opens at 9:30, I just blend in with the morning crowd.
  • Go to work where I shower, etc.
  • Get back to IKEA at the latest 30 minutes before closing time.
  • Hide in bathroom while janitors clean.
  • Run to bed.
  • Repeat.

Sure it’s not the ideal life. But it’s FREE. Don’t judge me. YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE ME! I mean this isn’t my plan forever. But for now it’ll have to do. I mean would you rather me freeze and die out on the streets? I don’t see you trying to help me. So yeah, that’s my life. For now. At the IKEA.

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And now for something completely different

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It was brought to my attention (and actually I thought about this myself) that a lot of my posts are really wordy and thus become tl;dr (google it). So, to try out something new today….


and

Last week I was feeling like this:

because

and then it elevated to

Which made my friends feel like this

Are You Done?

because it was a bunch of this again

Eventually after being told several times

I became myself again

And that was a lot less wordy than all those blog posts from last week, huh?

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My Life is an Awkward Moment

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“Uh. Um. Er.” (Uncomfortable Silence). *Crickets chirping*

And those would be the noises you hear when I’m in a situation where I feel uncomfortable and thus awkward.

Everyone has their awkward moments. I however seem to have an awkward life.

I have mentioned this before but I am a shy extrovert. I get my energy from being around others. I don’t need to say anything to you but just being around people energizes me. Sometimes it feels like I have a superpower of draining other people’s energy so that I can go be alone for a day and I’m perfectly fine til I need to recharge again.

However just because I’m an extrovert doesn’t mean that I’m outgoing. Far from it. Put me in a new situation with people I don’t know, especially people who already know each other, and I want to die. I feel out of my element and utterly uncomfortable. It doesn’t help when no one includes me in the conversation or comes up to me first. I do that awkward thing of trying to join in a conversation and can’t seem to jump in. I never seem able to find the right moment to come into a conversation. Either my voice never gets heard or when I finally do say something there’s an awkward silence.

I seem to know a lot of outgoing introverts. They recharge by being alone and are quite happy with that, but when they are out in public, you would never know this because they are good at being around others. They hide it so well that when they tell you they are actually introverts, you’re like no you’re not. LIES.

When I’m around people who I’m comfortable with, I have no problems. Even when I’m awkward with them, I know they’re not going to judge me so I feel completely fine being who I am in front of them. In fact I have been told many times after an entertaining awkward moment “Deborah, don’t change. Never change who you are”.

My friends have noticed that when I’m around someone I would like to get to know better and it’s a group setting, I clam up instantly and start acting very not like myself.  It’s because I get nervous and anxious. They can tell that something is wrong because it’s a different type of awkward. It’s the awkward where I am overly conscious of trying to make a good impression that I tend to shut down in fear of looking like a fool. And if you know me very well, you can probably tell that I’m visibly not at ease. Because I’m worried about looking too overly interested, I may over think myself into panic status and act completely indifferent towards you. Even though that’s NOT how I am at all. So if you are trying to see what kind of person I am, and we’re surrounded by people who I’m not necessarily comfortable around, you’re not going to see the type of person I really am.

I like getting to know people better one on one vs in a group setting. At least in the beginning anyways. Once we get past the initial getting to know each other stage, then things are so much better. You may not care how you come across to me, but I know for me, while I want to be myself, I also want to make a good impression to you. So in a group setting, when I’m having to fight that inside of me PLUS having to battle with everyone else and their personalities and actions, it’s very overwhelming. When I’m in a more one on one setting, I can relax. I’m more confident and can be comfortable when I’m not in a group. I can surprise you. Of course I realize that for some people, group settings are safer and more comfortable for them. To each his own.

Being awkward is a part of life. You can’t avoid it. You just have to accept it and live with it. And you never know, your confidence in not caring that you are awkward is the very thing that someone finds absolutely attractive about you.

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I’m having a ME party!

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It is interesting how our society makes it that if you were do something by yourself, you are seen as sad and to be pitied. For example, going out to eat alone. I never used to go out and eat alone. I always thought that if you were eating alone, you must have no friends. “Oh look at the sad person eating alone because no one else wanted to be with them.” Should you ask them over to your table? They seem sad.

That’s totally not the case. I mean when you think about it, if you want to go out and get food and honestly cannot get anyone to go eat with you and you are ashamed of eating outside alone, what are you supposed to do? I suppose now with all the restaurants doing takeout options you can still get the food and then eat at home alone. But sometimes you can’t do that. Plus what happens when you go out on a business trip? Stay in your hotel room alone and get room service?

So yes. If I’m hungry and I want to go out and I don’t think I can get anyone to join me on short notice, I’ll go out and eat alone. I just bring a book and walk in and just tell them “just for one” and boom done. It’s a bit weird because sometimes I’ll get seated in a large booth and once I got seated at a six person table. I’ve been a hostess before and I know how the rounds go at seating customers but come on? You’re not doing anyone a favor here by wasting one person on a 6 seater. It also just makes things REALLY obvious that you’re sitting alone.

But yeah once I’m at my table, I just order my food and bring out my book or journal and enjoy the experience. Sometimes the wait staff can be more attentive than usual and depending on my mood we’ll have a nice chats and the service can be awesome (and you’ll get tipped more FYI). Other times they leave me alone in peace and I just enjoy my book and a meal. I haven’t ever felt rushed or felt like I was given worse service because it was just me.

Now one should probably not visit a fancy restaurant on Valentine’s Day for dinner and ask for a table for just one. That might seem a little sad. Unless you have extreme high confidence and just don’t give a ____. Then more kudos to you. But for the normal folk, that might be one of the few times I’d probably avoid it. It’s also a lot easier to eat out alone during lunch time vs dinner at sit down restaurants.

Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE going out to eat with my friends and other people. I do enjoy socializing. There’s nothing greater than being able to talk with others over a meal. I mean I had a great 3 hour lunch with friends after church yesterday that I wouldn’t trade for anything. I’m just saying, sometimes you gotta eat. And sometimes you’re just going to have to eat by yourself.

Just for kicks, if you haven’t done it yet, make it a challenge to go out to a sit down restaurant for lunch one day by yourself this year. See what it’s like and let me know.

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You Never Forget Your First

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This week, my posts will be taking a look back at 2013 and looking forward to 2014. Wednesday’s post will be a deep thinking serious look back at 2013 while Friday’s post will be about how geeky 2013 was for me.

2013 held a lot of firsts for me. It was a very good year to try out things it seemed.

After going through my Facebook feed (because there is no way I can look at all my tweets from this past year), in no particular order here’s a list of things that I did for the first time this year

  • Turned 30
  • Trying hookah
  • Learned how to play Dungeons and Dragons
  • Had my car spin on ice and get damaged
  • Bought my first computer on my own
  • Played an April Fool’s Day prank on one of my closest friends
  • Had a job interview at ThinkGeek (didn’t get the job, but getting the interview was awesome)
  • Saw a Beatle (Paul McCartney) in concert
  • Made the initiative to get to know some awesome new friends
  • Took my friend to SuperH Mart for the first time
  • Saw and met Chris Hardwick
  • Ate Korean food for the first time
  • Did a scavenger hunt in DC
  • Got together a team of supergeeks to participate in a Geek Trivia Contest
  • Got into tabletop gaming like whoa
  • Had someone pay it forward for me at a toll booth
  • Hit a deer
  • Bought a car
  • Learned how to play Magic: The Gathering
  • Smoked a cigar
  • Became Internet Famous by Think Geek
  • Started a new blog and bought a domain name
  • Had to say goodbye to our family dog
  • Received my first cubicle with name tag
  • Participated in my first murder mystery
  • Had my first chai latte
  • Signed up for online dating (well, sort of)
  • Bought my first pair of skinny jeans
  • Started wearing scarves as an accessory
  • Took a lot more risks

That’s quite a lot of things. I’m quite proud of myself for doing so many new things and not just keep sticking to the same old thing. It’s been an interesting year and I’m looking forward to trying out even more things in the following year. There’s still a bunch of new things I want to do next year (ie. learning how to shoot arrows *cough cough*) so here’s to all the new things to try out in 2014.

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Reader Input Wanted!

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It’s been almost four months since I started blogging again on this website. And it’s been good and fun. I’ve enjoyed getting back into the blogging frame of mind and I’m enjoying writing again. I haven’t felt like I HAVE to blog, instead I WANT to blog. There are admittedly some days when writing is easier than others but overall this has been a good experience for me.

Since the year is almost up, I’m trying to see what I want to do next year for this blog. I may stay with the same format or I may switch things around. Still not sure yet. Either way, I’d like to get input from you blog readers. Thank you for taking the time to read what I write and your lovely comments. If you could take a few minutes and fill out this short survey for me, I’d really appreciate it. While ultimately this blog is going to be what I want to write about, I still would like to know what you guys would like to read and what you don’t. I’ll keep this up running this week and depending on how much feedback I get, I’ll share some of the responses in a future post. Thank you again in advance for your help!

Finally on a housekeeping note: With Christmas coming up this week, I’m going to take the rest of the week off as I’m sure most of y’all will be celebrating the holiday and not wanting to read a blog. I myself will be travelling back to my hometown and spending time with my own family. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and I’ll see y’all again next Monday!.

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Mulan is my favorite Disney princess…

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This weekend I got to hang out with one of my sisters and two of my cousins from my dad’s side that I haven’t seen in several years. My parents also arrived back home after an extended visit to Malaysia to attend the wedding of another of my cousins on my mom’s side. All this extra family stuff got me thinking about how I sometimes forget I’m actually Asian.

I know that sounds weird to probably most people. You usually don’t forget your ethnicity. And it’s not that I’m ashamed or not proud to be Asian. It’s just my entire life, I have hung out with my friends who tend to not normally be Asian American so I don’t see myself really in that way. Growing up, I stood out a lot physically because there weren’t a lot of Asians in my high school. I got teased a lot for it. Luckily it didn’t scar me horribly but let’s just say kids can be very mean College was very different in that sense as I was surrounded by lots of other Asian Americans and Asians and I no longer felt like a minority. Nowadays, I joke about being the token Asian all the time with my friends, in a good way. It’s funny how back in school, I never could have done that. And now, while I don’t make racist jokes, I’m often the first one to bring it up so everyone feels comfortable.

And no, I don’t know how to speak any other language besides English. And no, I still don’t know how to really use chopsticks. And no, I’m not a doctor or an engineer and I didn’t go to Harvard or Yale. And no, I don’t know how to play the piano or the violin. To dissuade you from all those Asian stereotypes.

In case you’re wondering (and because I get this question a lot), the type of Asian I am is Burmese-Chinese. My dad is from Burma and my mom is from Malaysia but is ethnically Chinese. Although technically my dad isn’t actually Burmese. We’re really ethnically Chin so I’m really CHIN-ese (heh) but just like no one knows where Portsmouth is and I just tell people I’m from Virginia Beach, it’s easier to say Burmese. Oh and I’m 100% American born and raised. And I’m from the south, y’all.

Being Asian American has both its ups and downs. It can be a challenge sometimes and I will always physically stand out unless I decide to live in an Asian community. But you know, it’s also cool to be different. And if folks can’t accept that different, it’s their choice and not my fault. Now excuse me while I go eat some rice.

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The Slow and the Cautious

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Driving-in-the-snow

As I sit here and write this, it’s snowing outside. Well, ok really at this point, it’s freezing rain coming down which is going to turn to ice in a bit. I currently don’t have the number to call to check into work tomorrow so I’m hoping I acquire that soon or will have to make an executive decision about whether or not I go in. So what’s today’s post going to be about? Driving in wintery weather. Ooooh thrilling, you’re thinking sarcastically. Actually it can be depending on what part of the country you live in.

Now I know all you folks that live in the Northeast or Midwest or Alaska, or any part of the world that gets tons of snow all the time, you’re used to it. You dig out of millions of feet of snow every year, drive through blizzards, and kids have no idea what a snow day is because that’s just every day life. But see here in Virginia, we freak out at rain. So when there’s even just a whisper of cold weather, all hell breaks loose down here. You always know when bad weather is about hit because at the grocery stores all the bottled water, bread, and milk have disappeared. I’ve always wondered this though, if the power goes out won’t your milk go bad? Parents and kids anxiously wait to see if schools will close while almost everyone around here continually checks the OPM website to see whether or not the government will close/delay.

So driving in wintery weather is not fun at all up here. Most people up here don’t do well to be honest. I’m not an expert at all. I grew up in the Hampton Roads area of Virginia which is just as bad. I don’t drive a car with snow tires or 4-wheel drive. I did have a minor accident last year when I was driving out of my neighborhood and hit a patch of ice which caused my car to spin and then slam into the curb, which then ruined a tire frame, under carriage and alignment. Therefore since then I am now a very cautious driver during winter weather. This does not mean I stay shut in during every winter storm. I just drive very cautiously.

As I was driving home today from church, it was a mix of snow/freezing rain/sleet/slush. While most of the roads had been treated, there was still a lot of mess on the roads. Therefore, I drove about 10 miles below the speed limit. And it got me home perfectly safe. I think though, I annoyed a lot of people doing that because even though I stayed on the right lane and even though every single traffic report said to be cautious and drive slower than normal, there were quite a number of people who would get behind me, pass me, and then get right back in front of me. All while going ABOVE the speed limit. Which that’s all fine and dandy if you are confident enough. But you know some of the rest of us aren’t. And as long as you’re ok with that, then I’m ok with that. I just think, since Northern Virginia drivers tend to be very aggressive, that a lot of them DON’T realize this.

I am just glad I wasn’t one of the many cars that had spun out onto the side of the road today. And going below the speed limit, gripping onto the steering wheel for dear life, and avoiding ramps helped to accomplish this. Now as for PLAYING in the snow, that’s a totally different story. One winter storm down, probably a lot more to come.

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Random Things that Popped in my Head During Thanksgiving Weekend

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So to wrap up the holiday weekend, here’s another edition of Random Thoughts: Thanksgiving version

  • I hate the I-95 corridor in the DC area. It took 2 hours just to go from Fairfax to Fredericksburg alone on Wednesday afternoon. TWO HOURS.  And why does everyone magically disappear once you hit Fredericksburg?
  • Why is Northern Virginia a black hole for Sonic Drive-ins? The closest ones are at least over an hour away.
  • Why are Sonic drinks so tasty? Is it because we don’t have them around that makes them so craveable? (Dang it, I want one now)
  • Butterball told us that for four people who are big eaters and want leftovers, you should get a 8 lb turkey. We got a 16lb.
  • My family really enjoys Thanksgiving. It is the one day of the year, we purposefully don’t eat rice. Instead we have at least three types of potatoes: mashed, sweet, scalloped.
  • It’s been a tradition in our house for over 25 years to watch the Macy’s Parade from start to finish.
  • And then we watch the dog show that comes after. We always root for the pug. We always get disappointed every year.
  • The last time I went Black Friday shopping, Circuit City still existed.
  • I forgot how many children show up during matinee viewings. Which would make sense if one goes to see a Disney animated film.
  • The Kung Fu Panda series is my family’s favorite non Pixar animated series. It may have something to do with the fact we can relate to them.
  • We like to put up our Christmas tree the day after Thanksgiving while listening to Hanson’s Snowed In Christmas album and eating rice krispy treats.
  • I have an ornament from first grade of a gingerbread man that STILL smells like gingerbread. That’s almost 25 years of STILL having its scent.
  • Home is where your pug is. And when your pug has gone, to help ease the pain you use a paper bag in the corner and just pretend he’s snoozing.
  • When visiting rest areas, if there are two or more rooms, choose the one furthest away. Cleaner and less people.
  • Traveling up on Saturday, while can be less stressful than driving up on Sunday, is still a PITA on I-95 North.
  • Hence why I stopped at Sonic again.

Hope you all had a good holiday weekend. December is basically a wash month. Everyone’s just waiting for Christmas.