Author Archives: Deborah Khuanghlawn

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It was a good year to be a geek

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This week, my posts will be taking a look back at 2013 and looking forward to 2014. Monday’s post was about all my firsts for 2013 while Wednesday’s post was a deep thinking look back at 2013.

2013, despite everything else that was going on in my life, was a very geeky year for me. While I didn’t get to go to any cons this year (mainly due to not having a job), I still got to experience a ton of geeky things that I thoroughly enjoyed.

One of my New Year’s Resolutions was to read 200 books in 2013. Now to most of you, that sounds like A LOT of books. But if you used to read my old blog, then you’d think 200 is a small number for me. I mean, I used to crank out 400-500 books a year, and one year I read 624 books. Then life got in the way, and my reading decreased dramatically. I think in 2012 I read maybe 50 books? So I knew for 2013, that I wanted to get back to reading and I set a goal. There were A LOT of times throughout the year that I thought I wasn’t going to make it. But I also realized that without the pressure of book blogging and review deadlines, reading became pleasurable again. And it was just nice to read stories and information for fun. My final numbers for 2013 were 217 books. I will admit that I reread the entire Harry Potter series and the Alice McKinley series but you know a book is a book. My goal for 2014 is 225 books .We’ll see what happens. Oh and don’t ask me what my favorite book was. Unless you have more than a few minutes.

I found new favorite TV shows this year. And I’m sure by now you’re tired of hearing me talk about them. But I’m going to. AGAIN. That’s right. 2013 was the year of Deborah discovers Doctor Who and Breaking Bad. I binged watch BB like WHOA. So good. When I finally caught up with the live episodes, it was torture seeing them and not knowing what was going to happen. There were many times I screamed at the TV.

And now everyone knows that I’m a Whovian. Yes, I started watching Doctor Who because it seemed like the thing to do only to find myself slightly obsessed. So. Many. Feels. I really love this show. It’s so British and geeky and meta. And so many other things. I binged watched throughout the year so that I could catch up in time to watch the 50th Anniversary special with everyone else. That’s A LOT of episodes mind you. And along the way, I also learned a lot of about the history of the show and the impact it’s had on pop and geek culture. It got to the point that I became a bigger fan than all my other friends who had tried to get me into the show previously. I will say though, I wasn’t a big fan of the Christmas episode. The 50th anniversary special was SO awesome. The Christmas one bored me. But that’s ok. We’ll just see what next year brings when we get to see what Peter Capaldi will bring to the table. Also my friends and family have realized that I love the show so much that I received quite a number of Doctor Who Items for Christmas including TARDIS knee socks, TARDIS fleece blanket, and a TARDIS journal. When I find a new geek fandom, I tend to become quite easy to shop for during holidays and birthdays.

If you know me very well then you know I love movies and seeing them in the theater is quite awesome. In 2012, one of my best friends and I were always going to see movies. It became our thing Plus I did this thing where I saw The Avengers six times in the theater *cough*. In 2013, we still did that, but not as much. However I did get to see some awesome movies this year. Everything from sequels such as The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, Catching Fire, Loki 2 (I mean Thor 2) and Star Trek 2 to extremely funny comedies like The World’s End and This is the End to just awesomesauce like Gravity and Frozen. 2013 wasn’t the best year for movies IMHO but it was still a pretty good year. I have a feeling my movie going will cut back a little but I’m still looking forward to seeing my upcoming favorites on the big screen.

Tabletop gaming became a THING as game nights became popular among my group of friends. I will just say that expansion packs are like the gifts that just keep giving.

And finally, the geekiest thing I probably did all year was become all Nick Fury like and assemble an Avengers worthy team to participate in a geek trivia contest sponsored by ThinkGeek. I rounded up seven of my best geekiest friends and we became “The Darkest Timeline” and our evil selves took over (kudos if you know the reference). We trained in advance and realized that between the eight of us, our skills and knowledge were vast in all forms of geekness.

When we got there, we donned our beards and soon became immersed in a very intense and fast paced contest testing our geeky limits. We actually did quite well answering the most obscure of questions of geek trivia. There was even a bacon eating contest where contestants from each team had to eat what was a pound of bacon when uncooked the fastest. And this guy, became our hero, when he won. It was our team’s shining moment as we got a huge amount of bonus points for that round. When the final round came up, we were in second place. It was a Final Jeopardy question. The topic was literature. I got sent up because I read the most, though I argued this fact that as this was a geek trivia night, sci fi/fantasy would be more prevalent and we should send up Bacon Master instead. No one listened to me and so I was sent up on stage and risked away all our points. The question ended up being “What two authors wrote Good Omens?” Heck if I know??? And I see Bacon Master slump his head as he DID know the answer. I randomly picked two authors in the genre, Terry Brooks and RA Salvatore while every other person on stage knew it was Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. I still get teased about it to this day.

But it was ok. Because we still had a blast. And it was the geekiest thing any of us had ever done and everyone loved us and our beards. And we even returned months later for our revenge though sadly the same thing happened again when we lost it in the final round again. But still, it’s one of my most favorite times of 2013 as several of my closest friends and I were able to be our true selves for a few hours and have a blast doing it. We were loved so much that ThinkGeek made us their cover image for the next event.

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The Darkest Timeline posting with Steve and Timmy the ThinkGeek Monkey of Think Geek. We made Timmy a tiny beard during the next trivia night as well as one for OUR mascot, Tommy (Timmy’s Evil Twin)

And yes, in this group, I’m the only girl who is a geek.

So that’s just some highlights of my geeky year of 2013. Oh! I didn’t even mention I got to see and meet Chris Hardwick aka Nerdist or host of Talking Dead, in person! I would say it was a pretty nerdy year. I hope that this year continues to be so. At the very least I’ll make it as geeky as I want it to be. Maybe I’ll finally get to learn how to REALLY be Katniss this year! (Subtlety should be on my New Years Resolution list…but it’s not. Not this year.)

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2013: It was the best of times, It was the worst of times

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This week, my posts will be taking a look back at 2013 and looking forward to 2014. Monday’s post was about all my firsts for 2013 while Friday’s post will be about how geeky 2013 was for me.

I made my New Year’s Resolutions for 2013 in a ski mountain resort in western Maryland where 5 of my closest friends and I had spent the past few days enjoying winter activities (or for me falling continuously down a mountain). My New Years Resolutions for 2013 were:

  1. Go out of my comfort zone more
  2. Read at least 200 books this year
  3. Be more awesome

It’s safe to say I did all three of them. I’ve briefly talked about #1 on Monday. We’ll talk more about #2 on Friday.

2012 had been a really good year for me. It’s one of the few times in my life when I can honestly say I was happy for almost the entire year. 2011 had been such a crap-shoot year that 2012 was such a wonderful blessing in how awesome it ended up being. Sure, there was that one month that sucked really bad but other than that, it was one of the best years of my life. (Although when I look back at that crappy month, there may have been something good that came out of it, but only time will tell.) And I had hoped that 2013 would be the same way.

But to be honest, 2013 didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to. There were so many ups and downs this past year that I’m surprised I didn’t throw up from having motion sickness. Then again, how many times can one really say they got everything they wanted? Still, overall I would have to say it was a rather good year. A solid B+.

I’m not going to go over EVERYTHING that happened this year. This is already a long entry as it is and doing that would make it a LONG LONG LONG blog post which you don’t want to read and honestly I don’t want to write.

I turned 30. It wasn’t so bad. I celebrated twice with my best friends. It was quite awesome.

I started paper journaling for the first time in many years. I talked about it in an earlier post but since I started writing in actual journals this year, I’ve filled up seven journals. Writing in them has been very therapeutic as it helps to keep the initial emotional outburst from not being put on social media. Which that eventually led to the creation of this blog. For which I’m really enjoying writing and I hope you’ve been enjoying reading.

And in case you wanted to know, these are the top most-read posts of this year (and basically since this blog started):

  1. The Girl Who Waited
  2. Trusting God When Things Seem Impossible
  3. The Elephant in the Room
  4. Silence is Golden…or Is It?
  5. It Comes in Pints?!

I lost my job in March and was unemployed for almost seven months. That was a very rough time for me. A deer hit my car during those months causing the car to be totaled and forcing me to buy a new car. It was absolutely rotten timing. But even through all the frustration and disappointments of job searching, interviews, and lack of funds coming in, I knew that God was going to provide and protect me throughout the entire process. And I KNEW he was going to give me a new job before the end of the year. Even though there were other parts of my life I was freaking out over, I always remained confident and at peace about my job situation.

Like I said on Monday, I had a lot of firsts. And I’m really proud at how many of them there were. I’ll just state this again, I’m a completely different person now than I was just a few years ago. And I’m really happy at how far along I progressed in 2013.

2013 was the first year of being completely single in almost a decade. Well, maybe not emotionally single for part of the year.  But God has finally closed doors on where they needed to be closed and in His timing, new ones will open.

When 2013 started there was something I wanted to happen this year. It was something I prayed about constantly, not that God would MAKE it happen but for Him to just guide me throughout the entire year to either prepare me for it or prepare me to not have it. I was told by a friend “Make sure you don’t put God in a box. Make sure you’re not telling him that he has to do things a certain way before you proceed.” Good advice.

My faith has increasingly grown throughout this year. Through all the ups and downs, through my frustrations and struggles, through the good times and the bad, I’ve kept turning to God through it all. And He’s never left me or forsaken me. He’s brought people in my life to help me get through the not so fun times. He protected me from any bodily injury when a deer hit me and totaled my car. He’s given me clarity and wisdom to get through all these times. And even when I still don’t understand why things happened the way they do, I’m trusting that He knows why.

As I stated above, my most read post this year is “The Girl Who Waited”. And that’s how I’ve seen myself this year. Last year I was “The Girl on Fire”, this year I was the girl who waited. I feel right now that’s what God wants me to continue being. Instead of rushing to make things happen immediately, I waited on a lot of things this year. Everything I waited on didn’t always happen the way I wanted it to but God has shown me wisdom throughout the waiting. I’m not saying I’ve mastered patience (far from it!) but I know God’s been walking with me throughout all this wait. And I feel that at this very moment, he wants me to wait just a little bit more.

Then the Lord replied: “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it. For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.” (Habakkuk 2:2-3)

I don’t know what 2014 is going bring into my life. There is a lot of uncertainty but there’s also a clean, fresh slate. I learned a lot of lessons in 2013. The goal for 2014 is to learn from those lessons. I approach this new year with hope. Yes, it could be awful. Yes, the world could end this year. Yes, there is a chance I will look at a bow and arrow and still wonder how to make it work. But there is also the chance that things could be really good for me this year. And Lord willing, I’ll be ready for whatever happens and that He will be with me throughout every step of the way.

So, 2014? BRING. IT. ON. Challenge accepted.

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You Never Forget Your First

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This week, my posts will be taking a look back at 2013 and looking forward to 2014. Wednesday’s post will be a deep thinking serious look back at 2013 while Friday’s post will be about how geeky 2013 was for me.

2013 held a lot of firsts for me. It was a very good year to try out things it seemed.

After going through my Facebook feed (because there is no way I can look at all my tweets from this past year), in no particular order here’s a list of things that I did for the first time this year

  • Turned 30
  • Trying hookah
  • Learned how to play Dungeons and Dragons
  • Had my car spin on ice and get damaged
  • Bought my first computer on my own
  • Played an April Fool’s Day prank on one of my closest friends
  • Had a job interview at ThinkGeek (didn’t get the job, but getting the interview was awesome)
  • Saw a Beatle (Paul McCartney) in concert
  • Made the initiative to get to know some awesome new friends
  • Took my friend to SuperH Mart for the first time
  • Saw and met Chris Hardwick
  • Ate Korean food for the first time
  • Did a scavenger hunt in DC
  • Got together a team of supergeeks to participate in a Geek Trivia Contest
  • Got into tabletop gaming like whoa
  • Had someone pay it forward for me at a toll booth
  • Hit a deer
  • Bought a car
  • Learned how to play Magic: The Gathering
  • Smoked a cigar
  • Became Internet Famous by Think Geek
  • Started a new blog and bought a domain name
  • Had to say goodbye to our family dog
  • Received my first cubicle with name tag
  • Participated in my first murder mystery
  • Had my first chai latte
  • Signed up for online dating (well, sort of)
  • Bought my first pair of skinny jeans
  • Started wearing scarves as an accessory
  • Took a lot more risks

That’s quite a lot of things. I’m quite proud of myself for doing so many new things and not just keep sticking to the same old thing. It’s been an interesting year and I’m looking forward to trying out even more things in the following year. There’s still a bunch of new things I want to do next year (ie. learning how to shoot arrows *cough cough*) so here’s to all the new things to try out in 2014.

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Reader Input Wanted!

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It’s been almost four months since I started blogging again on this website. And it’s been good and fun. I’ve enjoyed getting back into the blogging frame of mind and I’m enjoying writing again. I haven’t felt like I HAVE to blog, instead I WANT to blog. There are admittedly some days when writing is easier than others but overall this has been a good experience for me.

Since the year is almost up, I’m trying to see what I want to do next year for this blog. I may stay with the same format or I may switch things around. Still not sure yet. Either way, I’d like to get input from you blog readers. Thank you for taking the time to read what I write and your lovely comments. If you could take a few minutes and fill out this short survey for me, I’d really appreciate it. While ultimately this blog is going to be what I want to write about, I still would like to know what you guys would like to read and what you don’t. I’ll keep this up running this week and depending on how much feedback I get, I’ll share some of the responses in a future post. Thank you again in advance for your help!

Finally on a housekeeping note: With Christmas coming up this week, I’m going to take the rest of the week off as I’m sure most of y’all will be celebrating the holiday and not wanting to read a blog. I myself will be travelling back to my hometown and spending time with my own family. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and I’ll see y’all again next Monday!.

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(561) Days of [Insert Failed Relationship of Choice Here]

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“Some people are meant to fall in love with each other but not meant to be together.”

Boy meets girl. Boy falls for girl. Girl tells boy she doesn’t want a relationship. Boy says it’s ok, he can handle it. Boy and girl become this weird kinda sorta no one is not sure what to make of it relationship that’s not an official relationship.  Boy falls in love with girl. Girl decides she wants to back away because to her it was never a relationship, needs space, and disappears. Boy gets confused. Boy seeks advice. Time passes. Boy meets up with girl again. Boy thinks he has a chance. Boy finds out girl is engaged. Boy goes into depression. Time passes. Boy refinds his passion and himself. Boy starts to move on in his life. Boy sees girl one last time. Girl tells boy she found love, just not with him. Boy hurts one last time. Boy realizes she’s right and he will be ok. Boy leaves older, wiser, and smarter about relationships. Boy then meets new girl…

No I did not just tell you about myself and genderswapped all the characters. (Though it’s a familiar story…) What you just read is a very simplistic plot of one of my favorite movies (500) Days of Summer. (Props again to @theharmonyguy for making me watch this.) Why is it one of my favorites? Because as I just said, it’s horribly relatable.  Almost everyone can usually identify with the two main characters, Tom (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and Summer (Zooey Deschenel).

The movie is told in a nonlinear format, which initially can be confusing and if you are the type of person who needs to have their story told in order, well you’re not going to like it. I personally really like it here because it gives the viewer a chance to view the rise and fall of a relationship perhaps in the way you wish you could have viewed yours.

“Did you ever do this, you think back on all the times you’ve had with someone and you just replay it in your head over and over again and you look for those first signs of trouble?”

When I first saw the movie, I was wearing my JGL glasses and was like poor Tom! Summer is a horrible person! Who wouldn’t want him? Then after multiple rewatchings, I soon realized that while I am still a Tom, he’s not perfect and he has MANY flaws. I think the problem stems because he is played by JGL who is insanely likeable is so many ways that I will not go into right now. And I think the audience is focused more on that vs the character itself.

These are my thoughts. Tom is a romantic who is so intent on finding the myth of “the one”. Why shouldn’t he be, when in all aspects of our society and culture we’ve made finding our soul mate the holy grail of everything? When he finds Summer, he falls head over heels in love with her, and just disregards everything else, including the fact that she says that she does not want to be in a relationship now. I kinda now feel like he set himself up for it. He probably should have asked himself “Am I in love with this person or am I in love with the idea of this person?”

It probably didn’t help that they ended up sleeping together which most likely made Tom feel even more connected with Summer. This is why it’s good to learn to be intentional up front and realize that if the person doesn’t want what you want, it probably won’t work. At the same time, sometimes you can’t help who you have feelings for no matter how much you guard your heart. And sometimes you really care about someone and when you realize that the other person doesn’t want you, it is painful. The reality vs expectations montage is exactly what I think everyone goes through.

The funny thing is I’ve had discussions with friends over who’s at fault for what happened in the movie. Like I said, it mostly comes from people relating to either character. The Toms will say Summer because she kept leading him on, mainly due to the scene at the wedding when she doesn’t tell Tom she’s engaged. The Summers say it’s Tom because he knew what he was getting into after she told him. Personally I do think both are at fault. Summer could have been more insistent from the beginning and I know she tried to make it work with Tom and she couldn’t. There’s no really right or wrong answer. Because this happens so many time in real life, it’s a painful way to visually see how a relationship doesn’t go the way it was hopefully supposed to.

There are so many freaking wonderful quotes in the movie (as I have sprinkled throughout this post) that make me feel that the script just needs to “STOP. JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT ME.”

“A girl and a guy can be friends, but maybe at one point or another they will fall for each other. Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.”

“Just because she likes the same bizarre crap you do doesn’t mean she’s your soul mate.”

“Look, I know you think she was the one but I didn’t. Now I think you just remember the good stuff. Next time you look back, I really think you should look again.”

The final scene with Tom and Summer on the bench kinda kills me a little every time I watch it. When Summer tells him that she could have never really loved him and he looks away and you see the pain in his face, it’s like a stab to my heart every time. The whole bench scene can be uncomfortable to watch if you’ve been there (“You don’t want to be named as someone’s girlfriend but now you’re someone’s wife?”) but at the same time, it’s rather reassuring to know that you are NOT the only one that’s been in that situation. (Quality is kinda bad on the video below)

“I just…I just woke up one day and I knew.

Knew what?

“….What I was never sure of with you.”

Let’s put it this way. This is not a movie with a happy ending for this couple. They didn’t end up together the way they thought they were going to. There is a solid chance that Tom didn’t learn a lesson at all and will go about with the new girl in the same way that he and Summer acted. And I’m also hoping that the movie makers aren’t saying that Tom can’t be fully happy unless he has someone else in his life. But at the same time, this movie is a really good example of how you can get really swept up in a relationship, put your heart and soul into something that you really want, only to fall down HARD when it doesn’t turn out the way you want.

This can be one of the most uncomfortable movies to watch and at the same time, it’s therapeutic as well. You realize that the hurt will go away, you will have learned lessons from that relationship, and you can have the beauty of hope in a new one. All part of growing up and living life.

I think it would be interesting to watch this movie from the Summer perspective but it’s not worth having to go through the personal experience for it. I also wonder how it would be if the roles were reversed and Tom’s character was a girl and Summer’s the guy. Would the audience still relate to the “Tom character” as well? Or would they think because it was a female, she was just too emotional and all that? And if the male “Summer character” is more of a jerk for stringing “Tom along? Interesting points to ponder.

The other thing I love about this movie is the so excellent soundtrack. I borrow this CD from the library all the time (yes I know I could just buy or rip the songs but I don’t) and it’s constantly playing in the car because of how good it is. While every song is good, the two that stand out the most for me are “There is a Light That Never Goes Out” by The Smiths and “She’s Got You High” by Mumm-ra. Just go listen to it. I can’t fully describe the awesomeness of those songs

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Sigh. Yep.

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With a little (or a lot) of help from my friends

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“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…. It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”  – C.S. Lewis

Last week I wrote about what it’s like losing an extremely close friend in your life by their choice and not yours. I was told by several people that I sounded really sad and they wanted to see if I was ok. In all honesty, I am. That post had been written for a while and I had gotten out most of the emotion while writing it and had reached a place where I was at peace to post it. It also got me thinking though even if one person chose not to have me in their life there are still many people who still would welcome me with open arms. That one loss won’t define who I am.

On Sunday, the message at my church was extremely timely as my pastor talked how a passage in Philippians 2 show how  “good relationships are built on who you are, not what you can do. Integrity is the glue that holds relationships together.”

He talked about how you need to have several good strong relationships in your life, friends that want you to suceed and will sacrifice things in their own life to help you succeed. This got me thinking that even when I feel that I’ve lost a friendship, I still have other friends who DO care about me and fulfill all those above requirements.

I’ve said before I didn’t have very many close friends growing up when I was in school. Even the ones that I did have, we don’t talk anymore. I don’t know if it’s me or them, but it felt like after we graduated from high school everyone went their separate path, got back together with each other, and I got somehow left behind. I actually have never been invited to a single one of my high school friend’s weddings. Or college for that matter.

Don’t start pity partying me. In the past few years, I have been blessed with some amazing friendships. I am glad that I have found them now in this stage of life because the person I used to be would not have been mature enough to be friends with these people. These folks have stuck by me through thick and thin. They’ve gotten phone calls, texts, Facebook messages, Gchats…heck I think even written notes from me when I needed their friendship. And in turn, I feel like I’ve been there for them as well.

Our pastor categorized these friendships as Level 5 ones. I would hope that they think of me in that same light. These are the people you trust most. The one you can go to with your joys and struggles and know that they will both rejoice and mourn with you. They are the people who will desire your success about their own and in turn you will feel the same way about them. I sometimes joke (though being partially serious) that if I were to die or something horrible had happened to me, these friends would know in less than a day. Which is very comforting to think about. Especially when right now I’m single.

I need those good strong relationships in my life right now. And I feel that God has put these people in my life for a reason. He’ll take away people who I don’t need in my life right now for a reason as well. You always want those friendships you see on TV or movies where you have the big group of friends who stick together throughout the years  Well right now (and I hope this doesn’t change but if it does, so be it) I feel like I have even better friends than that.

This is a rather sappy post. FEEL THE LOVE.

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Mulan is my favorite Disney princess…

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This weekend I got to hang out with one of my sisters and two of my cousins from my dad’s side that I haven’t seen in several years. My parents also arrived back home after an extended visit to Malaysia to attend the wedding of another of my cousins on my mom’s side. All this extra family stuff got me thinking about how I sometimes forget I’m actually Asian.

I know that sounds weird to probably most people. You usually don’t forget your ethnicity. And it’s not that I’m ashamed or not proud to be Asian. It’s just my entire life, I have hung out with my friends who tend to not normally be Asian American so I don’t see myself really in that way. Growing up, I stood out a lot physically because there weren’t a lot of Asians in my high school. I got teased a lot for it. Luckily it didn’t scar me horribly but let’s just say kids can be very mean College was very different in that sense as I was surrounded by lots of other Asian Americans and Asians and I no longer felt like a minority. Nowadays, I joke about being the token Asian all the time with my friends, in a good way. It’s funny how back in school, I never could have done that. And now, while I don’t make racist jokes, I’m often the first one to bring it up so everyone feels comfortable.

And no, I don’t know how to speak any other language besides English. And no, I still don’t know how to really use chopsticks. And no, I’m not a doctor or an engineer and I didn’t go to Harvard or Yale. And no, I don’t know how to play the piano or the violin. To dissuade you from all those Asian stereotypes.

In case you’re wondering (and because I get this question a lot), the type of Asian I am is Burmese-Chinese. My dad is from Burma and my mom is from Malaysia but is ethnically Chinese. Although technically my dad isn’t actually Burmese. We’re really ethnically Chin so I’m really CHIN-ese (heh) but just like no one knows where Portsmouth is and I just tell people I’m from Virginia Beach, it’s easier to say Burmese. Oh and I’m 100% American born and raised. And I’m from the south, y’all.

Being Asian American has both its ups and downs. It can be a challenge sometimes and I will always physically stand out unless I decide to live in an Asian community. But you know, it’s also cool to be different. And if folks can’t accept that different, it’s their choice and not my fault. Now excuse me while I go eat some rice.

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The Girl Who Went to the Movies

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If you have known me for at least 3 months, then you know I love going to the movies. It’s one of the things my friends associate me with when they try to describe me. To some folks, going to the movies is time for socializing with friends (which I don’t really understand since you can’t talk to them).  For me though, I go for the movie. And in the past few years I’ve seen a lot of movies.

It’s funny though growing up I barely went to the theater at all. The very first time I went was when I was for my second birthday to see Follow That Bird. It was a Sesame Street movie about Big Bird being forced to be adopted by birds and he ran away. What I remember most about that experience was eating popcorn, spilling grape soda, and a My Little Pony (old school, not this Friendship is Magic stuff) ad in the beginning of the show.  Then there was a very long gap and I didn’t return to theaters until I was ten and that was to see The Beverly Hillbillies remake.  I know. My return was neither glamorous nor very interesting.  And in fact for the next few years it took me a while to realize what I wanted in a movie viewing experience.

These days, my first rule is that I want to see big epic blockbusters of a geeky nature in theaters.  Mainly because of the sound quality and the screen size. Also if a movie was filmed with IMAX characters, I want to go see that in an actual IMAX theater like the ones at science museums and not that “Real IMAX stuff”.  Also, since I actually wear glasses and because I think it’s a waste of money, I won’t go see a movie in 3D.  Exceptions are movies that were actually filmed IN 3D (Hugo) or a movie set in space (Gravity).

I don’t normally go see comedies or dramas in theaters because I usually can’t justify the cost to see it unless I’m going to a matinee show. There are exceptions of course. Example when a movie is nominated for an Oscar. That’s another post for another day of my love for the Academy Awards. But I’ll just talk about the time that I went to a ten movie marathon of all the movies nominated for the Best Picture Oscar in 2010 because I had won tickets from Entertainment Weekly. And it was the best experience ever! I could only stay for 6 movies but it helped to introduce me to movies I wouldn’t have normally seen in theaters. Though one really good comedy I saw in theaters this year was At The World’s End. SO SO SO funny.  And British.

The price of movies is going up. And the cost of concessions is outrageous. But I’ve found that there are still some really good theaters out there. And one of my favorites is the Alamo Drafthouse where you’re not allowed to talk/text (or you’ll get kicked out), they serve awesome food (including popcorn served in a metal bowl with REAL butter and endless refills!) and craft beers, reserved seating, excellent preshows and lots of really cool events. This is exactly the type of movie experience I want. It makes going to see movies more enjoyable (even when you go to a movie yourself which is another topic for another day).

One more thing. I also will go and see a movie twice if I really like it. Or six times if I REALLY LOVE it *cough Avengers cough*.

I love movies. *two thumbs up*  Finding friends who love movies as much as I do? *ALL the thumbs up*

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In Time….This is The End

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Oh brother I can’t, I can’t get through
I’ve been trying hard to reach you, cause I don’t know what to do
Oh brother I can’t believe it’s true
I’m so scared about the future and I wanna talk to you
Oh I wanna talk to you

– “Talk” by Coldplay

As I’ve grown older, my relationships with my friends have become one of the most important thing in my life. I didn’t have very many close friends growing up. I had a few but they didn’t last long or I was in part of a bigger group but never had a best friend like others did. Now as I’ve reached 30, I’ve found that I’d rather have a smaller group of very close friends that I can grow with in life as we all share experiences together. And one of the hardest thing about this is when one of those friends decides that they want the friendship to be over, and you aren’t ready for it.

It’s extremely tough and painful to accept the fact of when a friendship is over. It can be akin to a breakup but I think that losing a friendship is even worse. Boyfriends/girlfriends come and go, heck husbands and wives sometimes even. But losing a good and very close friend is harder because when you’ve built up that relationship, they can be very difficult to replace. And you may not even want to replace them…we’re not back in middle school anymore trading friends in cliques.

The worst feeling I think is that it can feel like all the years of your friendship now feel like a waste. Sure, you have good memories. Yes there were happy times. But when the friendship just dies, it feels like all the time, energy, effort…everything you put into the relationship feels like it was a waste. Especially when you can’t figure out what you did wrong.  If you had closure then you could put it behind you and walk away. But when you don’t know, it hurts. Instead of answers, you’re just left with silence. And sometimes you didn’t do anything wrong at all.There are some people who just aren’t good with closing things out. They don’t want to deal with messy so they just disappear and hope that you will eventually get the hint. It sucks like hell when that happens in a breakup, but when it happens in a friendship, it can be even worse. When your repeated attempts to figure out what happened don’t get reciprocated, you’re left with the feeling that the other person didn’t care as much as you did.

Sometimes you won’t ever get that closure. And you have to deal with it and move on. For me, lots of prayer has been and will continue to take place. I feel like there’s an empty spot in my life/heart right now. Not to sound all “Christian-y” but I know that God will fill it back soon. Whether that’s with other things, other people, or even God himself, I know that the gap in my heart won’t stay open and vulnerable forever. I wonder sometimes why God brings people into our lives only to take them away because it seems like it was a waste of time on everyone’s part. But ultimately God has his reasons and even though I don’t know why all this happened this way, someday I know I will understand.

I love how God directs me to what he wants me to know are his words that I need to read. I found this passage in Psalms one day during a particularly rough day. I have probably read it many times before and just glanced over it. But on that day, God knew that I needed to read it and all of a sudden it described exactly how I felt. I cannot tell you how perfectly this passage fit me at the time. I remember crying when I read it because it was as if David had written the passage about me. However, it was also comforting in the fact that I knew God had led me to read this. And then it gave me hope as well as to what to place my faith and trust in.

Psalm 55: 1-2, 4-8, 12-17, 20-22; 23b

Listen to my prayer, O God,
do not ignore my plea;
hear me and answer me.
My thoughts trouble me
and I am distraught

My heart is in anguish within me;
the terrors of death have fallen on me.
Fear and trembling have beset me;
horror has overwhelmed me.
I said, “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!
I would fly away and be at rest.
I would flee far away
and stay in the desert
I would hurry to my place of shelter,
far from the tempest and storm.”

If an enemy were insulting me,
I could endure it;
if a foe were rising against me,
I could hide.
But it is you, a man like myself,
my companion, my close friend,
with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship
at the house of God,
as we walked about
among the worshipers.

As for me, I call to God,
and the Lord saves me.
Evening, morning and noon
I cry out in distress,
and he hears my voice.

My companion attacks his friends;
he violates his covenant.
His talk is smooth as butter,
yet war is in his heart;
his words are more soothing than oil,
yet they are drawn swords.

Cast your cares on the Lord
and he will sustain you;
he will never let
the righteous be shaken.

But as for me, I trust in you.

Truth be told, I don’t know what will happen next. Perhaps God has closed the door on this friendship for good. Or maybe it’s just for a season now where we’re not going to be friends. I don’t know. There’s a lot of letting go, waiting, and trusting in God that’s going to have to be done here. Sound familiar? I think that’s been the main theme of this blog…and my rebooted life.

Slightly topical, here’s another excellent article from Relevant, this time about when a friendship is draining and what are signs that you should be looking for to see if you need to end it.

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The Slow and the Cautious

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Driving-in-the-snow

As I sit here and write this, it’s snowing outside. Well, ok really at this point, it’s freezing rain coming down which is going to turn to ice in a bit. I currently don’t have the number to call to check into work tomorrow so I’m hoping I acquire that soon or will have to make an executive decision about whether or not I go in. So what’s today’s post going to be about? Driving in wintery weather. Ooooh thrilling, you’re thinking sarcastically. Actually it can be depending on what part of the country you live in.

Now I know all you folks that live in the Northeast or Midwest or Alaska, or any part of the world that gets tons of snow all the time, you’re used to it. You dig out of millions of feet of snow every year, drive through blizzards, and kids have no idea what a snow day is because that’s just every day life. But see here in Virginia, we freak out at rain. So when there’s even just a whisper of cold weather, all hell breaks loose down here. You always know when bad weather is about hit because at the grocery stores all the bottled water, bread, and milk have disappeared. I’ve always wondered this though, if the power goes out won’t your milk go bad? Parents and kids anxiously wait to see if schools will close while almost everyone around here continually checks the OPM website to see whether or not the government will close/delay.

So driving in wintery weather is not fun at all up here. Most people up here don’t do well to be honest. I’m not an expert at all. I grew up in the Hampton Roads area of Virginia which is just as bad. I don’t drive a car with snow tires or 4-wheel drive. I did have a minor accident last year when I was driving out of my neighborhood and hit a patch of ice which caused my car to spin and then slam into the curb, which then ruined a tire frame, under carriage and alignment. Therefore since then I am now a very cautious driver during winter weather. This does not mean I stay shut in during every winter storm. I just drive very cautiously.

As I was driving home today from church, it was a mix of snow/freezing rain/sleet/slush. While most of the roads had been treated, there was still a lot of mess on the roads. Therefore, I drove about 10 miles below the speed limit. And it got me home perfectly safe. I think though, I annoyed a lot of people doing that because even though I stayed on the right lane and even though every single traffic report said to be cautious and drive slower than normal, there were quite a number of people who would get behind me, pass me, and then get right back in front of me. All while going ABOVE the speed limit. Which that’s all fine and dandy if you are confident enough. But you know some of the rest of us aren’t. And as long as you’re ok with that, then I’m ok with that. I just think, since Northern Virginia drivers tend to be very aggressive, that a lot of them DON’T realize this.

I am just glad I wasn’t one of the many cars that had spun out onto the side of the road today. And going below the speed limit, gripping onto the steering wheel for dear life, and avoiding ramps helped to accomplish this. Now as for PLAYING in the snow, that’s a totally different story. One winter storm down, probably a lot more to come.