I got angry at God the other day.
Yep. It would appear I get angry with God a lot.
Because I do. I feel God plays favorites. And I am not one of them.
There are days where it feels like this for me
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Now, I’m about to do that thing where I tell you that I know what you’re about to say and I’m going to say it before you say it so that YOU know that I know.
Yes, things can always be worse and I should be grateful for what I have and my situation now. Plus there’s Acts 10:34-35.
Ok now that you’re done with that.
I still think God has favorites and I’m not one of them. Oh I know he loves me. I don’t doubt that at all. I know he’s faithful and everything will happen according to his plan. No worries there.
I just think there are some people who will go through life a lot easier than others. There are things that I want to happen, that I’ve been praying for to happen for years. That I’m still waiting on and have no idea if it ever will happen. Meanwhile I watch people left and right keep having everything I want happen to them, even when they aren’t looking for it, and it comes in abundance for them. I feel like no matter what choices I make in my life, they always seem to lead to me having to climb back UP the mountain while I watch people who I know will never have to go through a single trial even close to what I’ve been through.
And it’s not fair.
Well, life isn’t fair, you say. You shouldn’t compare yourself to others.
Sure you can say that. And I can tell you right back to shut your face.
Yeah, I said that. And I can still be angry at God. Do you know why? God can take it.
I used to be scared when I was growing up that if I were to tell God that I was angry or hurt, he’d kill me immediately. So for years, I lived in fear bottling up my emotions especially anger. To this day, I’m still not good at letting myself be angry because I am always afraid at showing true emotions to people because I feel they’ll tell me I’m just being over emotional or overreacting. And for me to show real feelings to God, while I’m getting better, is still hard because I feel like he could get irritated to me and have something worse to happen to make me shut up and be grateful.
The funny part though is whenever I get angry with God and I let him know, I don’t draw away from him. Instead I find myself drawing closer to him.
My favorite book in the entire Bible is Psalms. Paul is all good and everything for teaching but David is my emo boy who gets me. And there are MANY passages in the Bible where David cries out at God, accuses God of leaving him, gets downright furious with him. But David always knows that God has not truly abandoned him and that He is still with him.
Often when we’re angry, we either ignore God because we think we’re not allowed to talk to God that way, or we reject God because we think He’s not allowed to act that way. Either way, we must discipline ourselves to cry out to God from exactly the place where we find ourselves, or we might as well not cry out at all.
That’s it. We don’t need to figure out how we’re “supposed” to feel, we just need to do all we can to say, even through the gritting of teeth: “Here I am. Here’s why I hurt. Help.” Then you walk together, in a relationship, navigating the long ride home.
Read more at http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/practical-faith/can-i-be-mad-god#sgkcIbpvYoYQEmIk.99
The thing with me is that I know the truth. I know that God has not left me and still has some plan for me. And it may not even be during this lifetime that I get to see all of it. So yeah, I can be very logical and rational because I know all this. But there are times when I will get angry and I will get frustrated at God. And I’m just going to let it out.
You won’t be able to give me the answers I want and your pithy sayings won’t comfort me. Neither will your condescending attitude of what I should or shouldn’t be doing. If I ever come to you and I’m angry at God, just listen to me. That’s all you need to do.
Just sometimes it’s best to let out the emotion. And I truly believe that God understands it when you do.