I like planning. I like knowing things in advance. Truth: I like spoilers.
I want to know what’s going to happen and I want to plan in advance. I’m not really good at open-ended plans. I need to know, do I need to prepare? How should I prepare? Should I eat dinner in advance? What time do I need to leave to get to the destination? Should I plan out a block of my time for you? Basically in my mind, when I plan something, it’s because I am setting aside a block of time for the other person/s because I am showing that they are important and I want to spend time with them without other distractions.
Don’t get me wrong. I can do spur of the moment. I’m fine with that. I like doing unexpected things. Surprises that catch you off guard are fun. But it’s when I want to plan something with someone and I get a noncommittal open-ended response that makes me feel like I have no idea what to do. And I don’t want to keep on nagging for a response. RSVPs drive me INSANE this way. I invited you because I thought you were important and I wanted you to be there. If you can’t make it, that’s perfectly fine. But the non-response drives me nuts because I don’t know whether to plan for you to be there.
Yes, I know we live in a society where everyone is busy and often schedules change so much that we don’t know what tonight will look like much less 3 weeks in advance. Things happen that cause plans to change. I get that. I think the sticking point for me is, priorities. When you set something as a priority and see something as important, you will do everything you can to make it happen. And sometimes when I see people being noncommittal with me, it makes me feel like I am not important, especially when I know they will put something or someone else as a high priority.
Are you ok with people who make non-committal plans with you? How do you deal when you see someone as a priority but then find out that they don’t view you in the same way? Are you good with confirming?