Category Archives: Ponderings

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Struggling Alone? You Shouldn’t

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I don’t know about you but it’s hard sometimes for me to go to people when I’m struggling with something.  I have the problem of belittling my own problems and comparing them to other people’s problems.  Long term illness, deaths, money issues, stress at work, and the like always feel like they trump over emotional issues of the heart.  I still find it difficult sometimes to be open with even my closest friends with what I’m feeling because I don’t want to bother them with what I’m going through.  They have problems of their own so why should I add more to their pile with my own issues?  Even when someone gives me an open ended invitation to always come to them when I’m going through my struggles, I tend not to because I’m afraid of being dismissed. “You think you’re going through something rough? You don’t know what rough is.”

That shouldn’t be the case at all. People shouldn’t have to go through life struggles on their own.  True, recovering from a broken heart may seem petty compared to a friend who is going through cancer, but life is not an ongoing game of comparing. I really like this blog post because it put things into perspective for me: “Why Comparing Our Struggles is a Losing Game“.

A close friend passed along this advice to remember whenever I feel like I shouldn’t share what I was going through:

“What you are going through is hard for YOU and God has you in a hard place right now, and yes I’m going through hard stuff and it’s hard for ME, and just cause my hardship might seem more serious does not mean you need to minimize the struggle that you are currently going through now…. It’s okay that what you are going through is hard for you…”

There, of course, may be some people who you can’t share things with.  They may be in a different stage of life, a different season, or have the wrong timing where they cannot relate and may not be the best person to share things with.  And that’s ok. It’s about finding balance.  That being said, if someone who you are close friends with comes to you with a struggle of their own, even if you are going through worse, listen to them. They’ve come to you for a reason. Take the time and spend with them. While you don’t want to encourage them to stay in the struggle forever, but just being there for them will do wonders. When they come to you, because sometimes it’s going to be hard to finally do that, even if all you do is just sit and listen will mean all the world to them.

To know you’re not alone and you don’t have to go through it alone is such a wonderful feeling.  Knowing that you have friends who will be with you while you are hurting, who are willing to hold you while you are crying and even encourage you to do so, who will call you out when you’re acting like everything’s ok (but really it isn’t), who will pray for you through the struggles even when you don’t ask them to, who let you experience the process of loss and ache by just being there with you and not think you are stupid for feeling this way…..these are just some of the things you experience when you finally realize you can’t handle it alone and you let someone you trust know your pain. Don’t go through things alone if you don’t have to.

Do you find it easy to talk to others when you are struggling? Do you try to do it alone?  What holds you back from going to someone with your struggles?

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Why God is Like Your GPS

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One night I was on my way to a meeting and to avoid traffic I went another route instead of the way I normally take. I thought I knew exactly where I was going and therefore just kept driving towards my destination.

I took the exit of where I thought the building was but it turned out to be the wrong exit.  So I backtracked and took another exit which should have eventually took me to the main road that lead to the building.  Well, somehow I completely missed it again and found myself back on the interstate.  This made me think, “Ok, I guess I was not meant to do this today.”

As I’m driving away, I start thinking maybe God was just telling me “no matter how hard you try and how many turns you take, you’re not going to reach that destination – that you’re not meant to go down that road.” I started to feel really bummed.

Then I remembered something.  While I was driving aimlessly my mind flickered to my GPS and I very briefly thought about using it but I rejected it because I thought I could handle it on my own and find it myself.  Obviously that did not work at all.

And that’s when I realized that God is like your GPS.  He has given you directions and tools to get you to your destination.  But all too often we reject them thinking we can do it on our own because we know better, only to find out we don’t and fail miserably.  We wish that we had just turned to him in the first place or at least we remembered him.  God’s given us the directions and tools to us, either through speaking directly to us, through scripture, and through the wisdom and guidance of others.  When we reject all those, it’s no wonder we get lost.

Specifically for me, I feel like God was telling me this:  “Look at the instructions and directions I have given you.  Ignore me and do it on your own and this is where you’ll end up. ”  There’s something I know that God wants me to do and if I ignore it and strike out on my own, I will end up in the completely wrong direction.  Use the tools he’s provided, listen to the directions, and don’t ignore them.  And then you’ll never get lost.

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The day after

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30

First off, I will promise you, readers, that I will not spend this entire blog lamenting on the fact that I have turned 30.  You can be assured of that. As I said yesterday, I see it as a new adventure. But seeing as how yesterday was my 30th birthday, I think I am granted a little leeway just for today.  Deals?

When I was a youngling, 30 was old.  My mom had me when she was 29.  I specifically remember the episode of Full House when Danny turns 30 and how he felt old.  (First off, DJ is at least 11 years old in that episode, so did Danny and Pam get married and have kids while they were still in college? How was Danny still involved in a frat at that point? *FULL HOUSE NERD*) People at 30 had their lives already in place because they were adults.  They had their jobs lined up, were married and had kids, and knew what was going to happen in their life.

Then as I got older, I thought I knew where I was going to be in my life at 30.  I figured I’ll be married, have at least one kid, and I’ll have my job all squared away, and I’ll have my house.  It wasn’t going to be perfect but I thought I would have accomplished those goals.

Well here I am, and unfortunately none of those goals have planned out the way I wanted to.  Now mind you, I’m not horribly depressed by that.  Sure, I feel kinda sad that I’m not there.  And truth be told, it’s possible that I may never get there.  But I hope to.  Just my timing is not where I planned it right now.  I’m kinda a late bloomer anyways.

TRUTH:  It can be tough to see my friends get married, buy houses, have awesome careers, and having kids.

HARDER TRUTH:  It’s harder when people younger than me achieve all these things multiple times (well not the married part).

HARDEST TRUTH:  There’s a huge fear that none of that will never happen to me.

Now that we have gotten that out of the way…..

I have been learning not to compare myself with others.  When I find out any of the above things happen to people I care about, I am so thrilled for them.  I do not want to be a Debbie Downer and want the rest of the world to suffer because things aren’t going my way.  Not at all.  It’s all about a learning curve with me.  People who know me may never understand how I struggle with these things.  And that’s ok.

Because I’m going to make the best out of this situation because that’s all I can do.  There may be nights when I cry and feel frustrated because of where I am.  But while “there may be pain in the night, joy comes in the morning.” And that’s what I’m going to live for.  And I’m going to make this upcoming year be awesome and live my life to the fullest.  I know that God’s put me in this situation for a reason.  And I’m not going to sit around all the time bemoaning it.  I’m happy and I’m going to be happy.

Last year, I had an informal list of “Things I Want to Do Before Turning 30”.  I think this year (and for the rest of my life) I will just have a list called “Things I Want to Do”.