I don’t NEED your approval but I secretly want it

Validation. What is it? It’s getting feedback from others that “what I do and what I say matters to you. You hear me. You see me. You think of me. You thank me. You acknowledge my accomplishments. You appreciate my efforts.”

The opposite of validation? Non-recognition. “I don’t give a damn what you want, what you say, what you think. Who cares? You’re overreacting. You’re nuts. You don’t know what you’re talking about.” (http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/09/21/the-importance-of-validation/)

I could question the fact that I’m writing about validation on a blog.

But you know what? I know I’m not the only person that this can be an issue for. Sure there are a ton of people out there (even some who read my blog) who don’t give a damn what anyone else thinks. And that’s fabulous! It really is. They don’t need to be told they’ve done a good job. They just do what they want. And this is how they react when they think someone else feels like they need approval in their life:

Social media can play into a huge validation trap of wanting likes, comments, retweets, favorites, page views.

For example, sometimes when articles I write get published I feel like they get lost in the ether. I sit there and watch what seems to be everyone else get recognition from everybody under the sun and all the page views in the world. And meanwhile, my work gets pushed to the back burner and no one notices that I’m there. It’s not that I’m jealous of other people’s accomplishments. It’s that I can’t figure out what I did wrong or what I should be doing to get to that level. For some people they don’t have to make any effort at all. And while I AM proud of my own work, I also do wonder if maybe my work isn’t as good as I think it is? Is it really bad and just no one is telling me? Did I pick unpopular topics? Is there something else I should be doing?

I could be completely wrong and I may be making a huge assumption that might blow up in my face but I feel like extroverts probably suffer from this more than introverts. In my mind, if being alone makes you feel better, than you’d be completely comfortable if other people didn’t notice you or keep trying to get approval from others.

Do I need to have people constantly telling me all the time how well I’ve done? No. Please. I don’t want that.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve done something and no one notices at all. I’m not really good at self promoting, in fact I hate it like a champ. I’ve learned that people don’t like bragging. And maybe it can just be some of the people I’ve been around that anytime you just mention things that happen in your life they seem annoyed or cannot be happy for you. It makes me just not want to talk about anything I’ve done. Maybe that’s my own problem though.

If no one ever said anything, that’d be really hard. Sometimes it makes me feel like what I do is a waste. If it’s really worth the time spending if no one says anything at all. Even if I enjoy it, what if I’m wasting time that could be spent somewhere else? At the same time, I need to be do things for myself and not try to get the approval of people who really just don’t care. I’m not going to simply change my interests just because not everyone likes something I do. There’s a fine balance here somewhere.

And now I’m going to close this by Jesus juking this post:

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10)

Additional reading: 10 Signs You Might Have a Need for Approval


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