In case you didn’t already know, faith is a big part of my life. I’m a Christian and my faith in God is very important to me. I fully understand that not everyone is going to agree with me and that’s ok. I’m not planning on shoving anything down your throat or forcing you to believe in what I believe. But this is a part of me; it makes me who I am.

Swap The Doctor for God and Amy for Deborah, and this is how life feels like sometimes. (For the record, I know God always tells the truth, though sometimes he doesn’t tell it ALL)

Even though I am confident and in assurance of my relationship and faith with God, I still have struggles.  My main one at the moment is trusting in God when things seem impossible.  Basically, when do you let go and give up vs. when do you keep praying and trusting that God will make something happen (with you, of course, doing your share)? How long and far does/should faith go? For the record, I’m not talking about instances where things are illogically impossible (ie. Dear God, please let every kid on the planet own a unicorn!”) but instead situations where you’re not sure whether you should keep praying/trusting or should just abandon the hope.  Sometimes I feel that because I want something so badly, surely God isn’t going to let it happen.

There have been instances in my life where I know that God has spoken to me and made promises.  How do I know this? With confirmation through prayer, reading Scripture, getting advice from trusted sources.  It’s not like I magically heard God’s voice saying “This will happen!” Believe me, there have been many times when I question myself if I’ve made up everything in my head. And then I worry, if I truly believe that it’s from God and it doesn’t come through, will my entire faith shatter? But every time when I seriously doubt God’s promises, there have been many forms of backup that prove that I could not have manipulated things myself.  And I’ve seen where he HAS answered prayers regarding to these certain promises I worry about now, it’s just the whole promise hasn’t been fulfilled yet.

Right now, I’m not sure if my fear is getting in the way or I’m just ignoring what is right in front of my face.  I don’t want to be stupid about this. Is God trying to show me that he’s closing doors and I’m just ignoring that and just continuing to push against the doors because I don’t want them to be closed? Or am I just letting my fears grow substantially and all God wants me to do is trust in him and he WILL make it all work out, even though it all seems impossible, once I just give into the trust?

Thanks to one of the devotionals that I use, the part of Scripture that jumps out to me most during this time is in Genesis when God told Abraham and Sarah that even in their old age, they would have a son. Sarah’s response was to laugh mainly out of disbelief and I don’t blame her. In my impossible situation right now, I’m laughing at God too (“Yeah right, good joke God! I’ll believe it when I see it…which will most likely be never!”). And then they got tired of waiting and took matters into their own hands which led to the birth of Ishmael and that whole messy affair.

This—this distrust for God’s plan and His timing, this need to take control, this manipulation of circumstances to fit our “needs” instead of His will—this is when disaster happens. (http://shereadstruth.com/2013/07/11/day4/)

I don’t want that to happen in my own life. I don’t want to go against God’s instruction simply because I get impatient or don’t think that he will come through because I am scared and fearful to fully trust in him.

Waiting is the hardest part. Because right now I don’t know what’s going to happen. And it’s extremely scary right now.  I’m scared because I have no idea what, how, when, where or why things are going to play out.

And yet BECAUSE of my faith, I know what I need to do.  It’s out of my hands completely and I have to turn it over to God and let him be in control and not me.  Nothing is impossible for God:

• “Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return to you at the appointed time next year, and Sarah will have a son.” (Genesis 18:14)
• “Now the Lord was gracious to Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did for Sarah what he had promised. Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised him.” (Genesis 21: 1-2)

He will wait with you if you ask. He will sustain your faith. He will assure you that He is in control. He has a plan and it’s not ours to figure out. He will turn your restlessness into rest. Rest in Him. (http://shereadstruth.com/2013/07/11/day4/)

He will be faithful. He will fulfill His promise, blessing us with the desire that He alone put on our hearts. And, as it often does with the stories of our own lives, everything makes sense in the end. (http://shereadstruth.com/2013/07/12/day5/)

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

(Photo credit: http://kasatkas.tumblr.com/post/10762813292/doctor-amy-you-need-to-start-trusting-me-its)